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The charts below shows the percentage of water used for different purposes in six area of the world. Summarize the information by selecting the main features and make comparison where relevant. v.1

The charts below shows the percentage of water used for different purposes in six area of the world.
Fees for higher education are expensive and not affordable for everyone, so according to some university should be free for all people, regardless of their background. In my opinion, offering everyone free higher education would be problematic and, therefore, should only be offered to certain individuals. Having tuition-free education for everyone would put a tremendous financial strain on a country. Universities would have no income from fees and, consequently, they would rely completely on the state for funding. Doing this means taking funds from other much needed areas, such as the health system, in order to allocate money to universities. For the majority of countries, particularly developing and underdeveloped countries, this would not be a financially viable option. Another point to consider is that offering all people free tertiary education would tempt many people to enter higher institution whether they were interested or not. In other words, rather than choosing to get a job, some young people would opt for doing a degree to which they would only half-heartedly apply themselves. This would not only be a waste of a country’s finances, but also a waste of human resources. Finally, the best solution would be to keep learning fees, but still offer some free places to gifted students from poor backgrounds. This would ensure that talented, intelligent students who cannot afford to pay for higher education would still get educated and trained. As a result, society would benefit by getting the right people trained and valuable financial resources would not be wasted. In conclusion, abolishing tuition fees is not feasible for most countries, but offering free places to particular students who have limited financial means is a much better use of a country’s resources.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fees
for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are expensive and not affordable for everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
university should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, regardless of their background. In my opinion, offering everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
would be problematic and,
therefore
, should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be offered
to certain individuals.

Having tuition-free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for everyone would put a tremendous financial strain on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Universities would have no income from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
and,
consequently
, they would rely completely on the state for funding. Doing this means taking funds from other
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
areas, such as the health system, in order to allocate money to universities. For the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
particularly
developing and underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, this would not be a
financially
viable option.

Another point to consider is that offering all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
would tempt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enter higher institution whether they
were interested
or not.
In other words
,
rather
than choosing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would opt for doing a degree to which they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
half-
heartedly
apply themselves. This would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be a waste of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
finances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a waste of human resources.

Finally
, the best solution would be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
places to gifted students from poor backgrounds. This would ensure that talented, intelligent students who cannot afford to pay for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
would
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educated and trained.
As a result
, society would benefit by getting the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
trained and valuable financial resources would not
be wasted
.

In conclusion
, abolishing tuition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
is not feasible for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
places to particular students who have limited financial means is a much better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
resources.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The charts below shows the percentage of water used for different purposes in six area of the world.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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