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The chart below shows the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comaparisons where relevant. v.1

The chart below shows the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
So this essay will be discussing a view point on the lifestyle of people who are known to people like public fugues. So it will discuss about whether their daily lives have more advantages to them or more troubles to them. So firstly I would like to talk about the advantages, certainly their lives have an edge over other people in terms of money, limelight and other perks like getting special treatment moreover getting the things they demand more easily than others. Undoubtedly they have bigger influence and it's easier for them to have things compared to a common man. Secondly troubles, yes, there are plenty of them like their personal lives are totally gone, because no matter what they do, it hardly remains private consequently they have to disguise themselves in order to avoid those media coverage's. For example, recently we have seen famous Indian Cricket team captain M. S. Dhoni, wears a helmet to avoid public coverage so that he can roam like normal individuals. In addition to this they need to be very careful with whatever they do because even a minor wrong action will have big implications for them since they are admired by the youth and other individuals. So to conclude, If I have to restate my above words and give my opinion, I believe it's a mixture of both as they says it is a two-edged-sword, so if they get more things by being a known person, they also looses their freedom to express themselves as independently as they would have done by being a more common people.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this essay will be discussing a view point on the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are known
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like public fugues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it will
Did you mean simply "discuss whether"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about whether
their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have more advantages to them or more troubles to them.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
So
firstly
I would like to talk about the advantages,
certainly
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have an edge over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in terms of money, limelight and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
perks like getting special treatment
moreover
getting the things they demand more
easily
than others.
Undoubtedly
they have bigger influence and it's easier for them to have things compared to a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.

Secondly
troubles, yes, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of them like their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are
totally
gone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no matter what they do, it hardly remains private
consequently
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
disguise themselves in order to avoid those media coverage's.
For example
, recently we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Indian Cricket team captain M. S.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dhoni
, wears a helmet to avoid public coverage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he can roam like normal individuals.
In addition
to this they need to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful with whatever they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
even a minor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
action will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
implications for them since they
are admired
by the youth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individuals.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to conclude
, If I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
restate my above words and give my opinion, I believe it's a mixture of both as they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "say"
says
it is a two-edged-sword,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more things by being a known person, they
also
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "loose"
looses
their freedom to express themselves as
independently
as they would have done by being a more common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay The chart below shows the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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