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Percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Percentage of water used for different purposes v.2

Percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Percentage of water used for different purposes v. 2
Some people because of lack of exercise and sedentary lifestyle gain weight and the number of such are rising at alarming rates. I agree that obesity has become an increasing concern and measures should be taken for controlling the same. I think occupation and fast paced life is the major cause for this. People who have desk jobs, long hours of working over the computer, gives little or no time for physical activity. Moreover, because of the hectic schedule, people find less time to cook thereby eating junk food, which increases fat. Lack of spending time for physical exercise is an icing on the cake. But this kind of life styles have potential hazardous effects on mental and physical health. For example, because of the increasing mental work and lesser physical exertion, stress and anxiety is a common concern which can lead to deleterious effects on the health. Furthermore, physically the body undergoes detrimental changes like, increased cholesterol levels, rising number of heart attacks, stroke, occupation associated strains and sprains. This decreases the average life span of individual. The key to break this vicious circle is eating healthy food, reduce sodium intake, take frequent breaks, taking stairs instead of lift, installing the step count app and counting the steps taken. Also, incorporating one or other exercise form as part of daily routine which can be Yoga, aerobics, brisk walk, gymming or similar kind of activities can work wonders. In addition, certain health camps at corporate offices should be conducted to promote awareness for increasing the fitness levels of their employees. To conclude, keeping a track on one’s health and fitness is very important. Healthy diet and regular exercise regime can keep a curb over the obesity levels.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and sedentary lifestyle gain weight and the number of such are rising at alarming rates. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that obesity has become an increasing concern and measures should
be taken
for controlling the same.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
occupation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced life is the major cause for this.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who have desk jobs, long hours of working over the computer, gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the hectic schedule,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find less time to cook thereby eating junk food, which increases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. Lack of spending time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is an icing on the cake.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this kind of life styles have potential hazardous effects on mental and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increasing mental work and lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exertion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety is a common concern which can lead to deleterious effects on the health.

Furthermore
,
physically
the body undergoes detrimental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
like, increased cholesterol levels, rising number of heart attacks, stroke, occupation associated strains and sprains. This decreases the average life span of individual. The key to break this vicious circle is eating healthy food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
sodium intake, take frequent breaks, taking stairs
instead
of lift, installing the step count app and counting the steps taken.
Also
, incorporating one or other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
form as part of daily routine which can be Yoga, aerobics, brisk walk,
Possible spelling mistake found.
gymming
or similar kind of activities can work wonders.
In addition
, certain health camps at corporate offices should
be conducted
to promote awareness for increasing the fitness levels of their employees.

To conclude
, keeping a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
on one’s health and fitness is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Healthy diet and regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
regime can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a curb over the obesity levels.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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IELTS essay Percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Percentage of water used for different purposes v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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