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The charts below show the profit made by MG Entertainment from different formats in three European countries. v.1

The charts below show the profit made by MG Entertainment from different formats in three European countries. v. 1
Nowadays art is considered as one of the most popular activities which distracts from everyday routine. Here is a plethora of advocates who believe that everybody can make craft, and opponents of that topical question. In this essay I intend to delve into the benefits of both viewpoints. Firstly, art is becoming more popular in modern society and the overwhelming majority of people increasingly doing craft. Moreover, this activity uses not only like a buffer against stress, which breaks the monotony of everyday routine but also like handmade present. Furthermore, it is a good opportunity for earning some money, selling them in different kind of exhibitions. Doing this frequently, human could become famous, even leave a mark on the history of art. Advocates of gifted people note that greatest craft artists were talented in their area, and believe that nobody can acquire dowry if you WERE not born WITH it. In fact, for many of them, creating art is do or die. In addition, it does not matter how much time you spend on practice if humanity is not talented. To conclude, in order to become a master of art, being just talented it is not enough, it requires trainings, repetitions and dedication on a regular basis. Additionally, we can see numerous examples of people who WERE just talented and steadily lost dowry without practices. Finally, there are only few people who are talented by nature, while others enhance their skills in this field by doing lots of training.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is considered
as one of the most popular activities which distracts from everyday routine. Here is a plethora of advocates who believe that everybody can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
craft, and opponents of that topical question. In this essay I intend to delve into the benefits of both viewpoints.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is becoming more popular in modern society and the overwhelming majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increasingly
doing craft.
Moreover
, this activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
like a buffer against
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which breaks the monotony of everyday routine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
like handmade present.
Furthermore
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity for earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money, selling them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of exhibitions. Doing this
frequently
, human could become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a mark on the history of art.

Advocates of gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
note that greatest craft artists were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
in their area, and believe that nobody can acquire dowry if you WERE not born WITH it. In fact, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them, creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
Consider using a past participle here: "done".
do
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
.
In addition
, it does not matter how much time you spend on practice if humanity is not talented.

To conclude
, in order to become a master of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, it requires trainings, repetitions and dedication on a regular basis.
Additionally
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
numerous examples of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who WERE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
and
steadily
lost dowry without practices.
Finally
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
by nature, while others enhance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in this field by doing lots of training.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The charts below show the profit made by MG Entertainment from different formats in three European countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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