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at thepresent time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, comparade with the number of older people. do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

at thepresent time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, comparade with the number of older people. do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Studying a not-native dialect is taught by some professionals to be better been taught at primary school. While this action could have some merits, I believe that its benefits exceed its drawbacks. One of the main benefits of making children more familiar with a new language at this young age is that young people, especially in the age between 4 and 10 years, have a considerable ability to memorize new vocabulary. For example, Students who are twelve years are found to have less ability in memorizing new language vocabulary in comparison with young students who are 8 years old. This behaviour has been explained by experts as a result of a lack of attention who students at secondary school may suffer from, as a consequence of growing up. Another positive effect that should be indicated is that learning new languages become a vital key for youngsters to be successful in their future and learning the foreign language earlier, enables them to take the advantage of the language, moreover, if someone is going to study sound, programming, learning English is an essential mission, as all programs are written in English. In Addition to that, the effect of learning a foreign dialect on expanding students' horizons cannot be negligible. It does not only evoke them to recognize others' cultures, but also aids them to accept the differences of foreign people at an early age. To conclude, learning a new sound in primary schools has several merits, such as expanding horizons, improve mental abilities, and be useful for the youngster's future. In my personal opinion, I find the benefits exceed the demerits of this action.
Studying a not-native dialect
is taught
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professionals to be better
been taught
at primary school. While this action could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits, I believe that its benefits exceed its drawbacks.

One of the main benefits of making children more familiar with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at this young age is that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
in the age between 4 and 10 years, have a considerable ability to memorize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
vocabulary.
For example
, Students who are twelve years
are found
to have less ability in memorizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
vocabulary
in comparison
with young students who are 8 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. This
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by experts
as a result
of a lack of attention who students at secondary school may suffer from, as a consequence of growing up.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect that should
be indicated
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
become a vital key for youngsters to be successful in their future and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
earlier, enables them to take the advantage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
moreover
, if someone is going to study sound, programming,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
English is an essential mission, as all programs
are written
in English.

In Addition
to that, the effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a foreign dialect on expanding students' horizons cannot be negligible. It does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
evoke them to recognize others' cultures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
aids them to accept the differences of foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at an early age.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
sound in primary schools has several merits, such as expanding horizons,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
mental abilities, and be useful for the youngster's future. In my personal opinion, I find the benefits exceed the demerits of this action.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay at thepresent time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, comparade with the number of older people. do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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