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The charls below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much Summarise the information by selecting and reporling the main features and make co mpariso ns where relevant v.1

The charls below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much
Environmental pollution is a challenge battled by most countries all over the world. Some people are of the opinion that raising the tariffs on petrol is the most effective method of tackling the problem of increasing traffic and pollution. I totally disagree with this view, as other measures such as reduction in the use of private cars and creating transport systems that does not use fossil fuel are better productive techniques of curtailing traffic congestion and pollution. First, increasing the value of petrol in order to control traffic and environmental pollution is counterproductive as the result of this action might not be significant when compared to other means such as reducing the rate at which people use personal cars. This is because, the purchase of petrol will still be on-going irrespective of the price, as there are other ways by which this inflation can be compensated. For example; In the year 2002, when the price of fuel was inflated in Lagos the report of traffic problems was still the same as when fuel price was subsidize in 1999. However, it was noticed that cost of commodities increased significantly. Thus, it is clear that increasing the price of fuel have no serious correlation to controlling traffic jams. However, there are other vital means of dealing with traffic and pollution that are productive. Firstly, Reducing the use of personal vehicles has proven to be one of the most effective ways to tackle traffic and pollution. For instance, if government should mandate the use of public transportation and also creating regulations that bind the use of private cars on the flexibility of usage, this will greatly lead to a decline in the number vehicles that appear on the road, which will lead to reductions in the emission of fumes that causes depletion of the ozone layer. Also, creating other means of transport such as railways which can convey a large group number of people at a time is another effective way of reducing traffic. In conclusion, innovation of other transporting system and regulative the use of cars are better techniques of controlling traffic and pollution. Thus, this should be implemented.
Environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
is a challenge battled by most countries all over the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that raising the tariffs on petrol is the most effective method of tackling the problem of increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
. I
totally
disagree with this view, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures such as reduction in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and creating transport systems that does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
are better productive techniques of curtailing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion and pollution.

First
, increasing the value of petrol in order to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
is counterproductive as the result of this action might not be significant when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
means such as reducing the rate at which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of petrol will
still
be
Did you mean "ongoing"?
on-going
irrespective of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
, as there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways by which this inflation can
be compensated
.
For example
; In the year 2002, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
was inflated
in Lagos the report of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
problems was
still
the same as when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
was
Consider using a past participle here: "subsidized".
subsidize
in 1999.
However
, it
was noticed
that cost of commodities increased
significantly
.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
have no serious correlation to controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jams.

However
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
vital means of dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
that are productive.
Firstly
, Reducing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of personal vehicles has proven to be one of the most effective ways to tackle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
For instance
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should mandate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of public transportation and
also
creating regulations that bind the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
on the flexibility of usage, this will
greatly
lead to a decline in the number vehicles that appear on the road, which will lead to reductions in the emission of fumes that causes depletion of the ozone layer.
Also
, creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
means of transport such as railways which can convey a large group number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at a time is another effective way of reducing traffic.

In conclusion
, innovation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
transporting system and regulative the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are better techniques of controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
Thus
, this should
be implemented
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The charls below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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