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Individual greed and selfishness has been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To wh v.1

Individual greed and selfishness has been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To wh v. 1
It is often said that changes motivate the development, and that changes can bring new opportunities. However, many people seem to be rather reluctant to make and deal with changes in their lives. This, consequently, can cause several problems. Firstly, being reluctant to accept new changes can make you become disadvantageous to your competitors. Take farming as an example. New and modern farming methods are often believed to help lower prices and increase quality of agricultural products. Farmers who stick to old farming techniques may not be competitive enough to survive. In contrast, those who love and welcome modern technology will sell their products at lower prices and better quality; hence, become the winner in the market. Furthermore, resisting against changes can be the hindrance to adapt to the new environment. Students who study abroad, for instance, often have to face with many problems in a country they do not get familiar with. Consequently, they may suffer from culture shock, new working and living styles, strange habits and customs. As a result, they can potentially feel stressful and frustrated. Changing is the only way can students make to help them blend in a new community. There are several solutions to overcome these problems. First of all, people should keep themselves well informed about up-to-date information and knowledges by, for example, reading newspapers and accessing to the Internet more often. It is lack of information and knowledges that makes people hesitate to change. If a farmer knows how beneficial modern farming methods are, is there any reason that he or she does not apply them? Second of all, people should change themselves and learn to acknowledge the fact that changes can bring more advantages than disadvantages, and that the changes are an inevitable trend. To do so, they should practise “dare to think and dare to do”. There may be risks and difficulties when making changes, but only the brave are rewarded with victory and honour. In conclusion, resisting to change can cause several problems that need individual efforts to overcome. Making changes when necessary can make our lives better.
It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
motivate the development, and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunities.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seem to be
rather
reluctant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
and deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This,
consequently
, can cause several problems.

Firstly
, being reluctant to accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
you become disadvantageous to your competitors. Take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
as an example.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
and modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
methods are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
believed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
lower prices and increase quality of agricultural products. Farmers who stick to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
techniques may not be competitive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to survive.
In contrast
, those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and welcome modern technology will sell their products at lower prices and better quality;
hence
, become the winner in the market.
Furthermore
, resisting against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
can be the hindrance to adapt to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment. Students who study abroad,
for instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in a country they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with.
Consequently
, they may suffer from culture shock,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
working and living styles, strange habits and customs.
As a result
, they can
potentially
feel stressful and frustrated. Changing is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way can students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them blend in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
community.

There are several solutions to overcome these problems.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well informed
about up-to-date information and
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
by,
for example
, reading newspapers and accessing to the Internet more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
. It is lack of information and
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hesitate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
. If a farmer knows how beneficial modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
methods are, is there any reason that he or she does not apply them? Second of all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
themselves and learn to acknowledge the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
can bring more advantages than disadvantages, and that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
are an inevitable trend. To do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they should
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
“dare to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and dare to do”. There may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and difficulties when making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the brave
are rewarded
with victory and
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
.

In conclusion
, resisting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
can cause several problems that need individual efforts to overcome. Making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
when necessary can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
better.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Individual greed and selfishness has been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To wh v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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