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The chart shows the proportion of renewable energy in total energy supply in 4 countries from 1997 to 2010 v.1

The chart shows the proportion of renewable energy in total energy supply in 4 countries from 1997 to 2010 v. 1
Some people think that the growth of the economy is likely to be a key role regarding the achievement of happy values, especially in developed countries. Meanwhile, I do believe that valuable economic is merely a part of satisfaction. It becomes apparent that the more prosperous each country builds, the more democracy each citizen enjoys. Rich countries which are unlikely to appear more dangerous criminals like murder and robbery bring the safe and the higher quality life. It is no doubt that so terribly does lack of money cause that all residents concrete to earn much salaries with different methods as well as feeling nervous to carefully keep own properties. Some developed countries, especially those which are well-known as modern civilized areas, may have plenty of laughs and a long-time life. Consequently, its rich economy involves to joyful sentiment in a countries in general. On the one hand, it is true that there were a dose of factors affecting to the peacefulness and happiness of individual person such as friend and family. In fact, people do earn a love from parents, which is the carefulness without strings attached. It can be seen obviously that unconditional love is like a muscle, it needs a daily workout in spite of either less or more cash all around the world. Vietnam, for instance, can be seen as developing country that the percentage of happiness is the same as happy as the proportion of richer countries. In conclusion, generally economy development sees a tool to create the enjoyment in each wealth country. However, it is evident that there was a variety of sectors to boost the peacefulness and blessedness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the growth of the economy is likely to be a key role regarding the achievement of happy values,
especially
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Meanwhile, I do believe that valuable economic is
merely
a part of satisfaction.

It becomes apparent that the more prosperous each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
builds, the more democracy each citizen enjoys. Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which are unlikely to appear more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
criminals like murder and robbery bring the safe and the higher quality life. It is no doubt that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
terribly
does lack of money cause that all residents concrete to earn
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
salaries with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
methods
as well
as feeling nervous to
carefully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
properties.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
especially
those which are well-known as modern civilized areas, may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of laughs and a long-time life.
Consequently
, its rich economy involves to joyful sentiment in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in general
.

On the one hand, it is true that there were a dose of factors affecting to the peacefulness and happiness of individual person such as friend and family. In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do earn a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
from parents, which is the carefulness without strings attached. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
obviously
that unconditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
is like a muscle, it needs a daily workout
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
either less or more cash all around the world. Vietnam,
for instance
, can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that the percentage of happiness is the same as happy as the proportion of richer countries.

In conclusion
,
generally
economy development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
a tool to create the enjoyment in each wealth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
However
, it is evident that there was a variety of sectors to boost the peacefulness and blessedness.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart shows the proportion of renewable energy in total energy supply in 4 countries from 1997 to 2010 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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