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The chart shows the central heating system at a house works. write a report for a university lecturer making comparisons where relevant and reporting the main features. v.1

The chart shows the central heating system at a house works. write a report for a university lecturer making comparisons where relevant and reporting the main features. v. 1
In today's world, by birth nobody is born with intelligence. However, some people believe that talent generally acquires from the place they born, while others, argues that it can be taught to any children who wish to learn something unique with provided the necessary support. I strongly support with the latter view. In this essay, I intend to delve into both the view and put my individual view. On the positive side, some professions require lot efforts to become efficient. For case, music and sports jobs are very expensive to learn and it cannot be possible for a common man who earns minimum wages from his pursuit. Hence, these jobs can only be affordable to the people who are wealthy. For example, sports people tend to spend more than 10 years of expertise in this field where as it's not possible for everyone to put this much of an effort. Because of these many days of hardship one can become expert in a particular career and it does not mean that they are born with the specific capacity. On the negative side, if a parent is ready to support their children in these sports or music, learning any art will not be a burden. Although some parents believe that it is not a wise decision to educate kids from childhood, if they are grown with some training they will lead the life in a better way and they become more intellectual. For example, The great Indian cricketer Sachin Tendulkar born in a poor family, but that does not stop him from fulfilling his interest towards sport. With the help of his parent, He became star batsman in the world cricket history. This example would advise that parent and child's interest cannot be surprised by anything. If the person trained in well manner, everything is possible and achievable. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, talent is not certainly specific to one profession it can be accomplished by anyone if the directions provided from childhood. Considering the points given, talent does not belong to one stream of sports.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, by birth nobody
is born
with intelligence.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that talent
generally
acquires from the place they
Possible grammatical error. You used a past participle without using any required verb ('be' or 'have'). Did you mean "bore"?
born
, while others, argues that it can
be taught
to any children who wish to learn something unique with provided the necessary support. I
strongly
support with the latter view. In this essay, I intend to delve into both the view and put my individual view.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professions require lot efforts to become efficient. For case, music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
jobs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive to learn and it cannot be possible for a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who earns minimum wages from his pursuit.
Hence
, these jobs can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be affordable to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are wealthy.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to spend more than 10 years of expertise in this field
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
it's not possible for everyone to put this much of an effort.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
days of hardship one can become expert in a particular career and it does not mean that they
are born
with the specific capacity.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is ready to support their children in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or music, learning any art will not be a burden. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe that it is not a wise decision to educate kids from childhood, if they
are grown
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
training they will lead the life in a better
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
way and
they become more intellectual.
For example
, The great Indian cricketer
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
born in a poor family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
him from fulfilling his interest towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
, He became star batsman in the world cricket history. This example would advise that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and child's interest cannot
be surprised
by anything. If the person trained in well manner, everything is possible and achievable.

To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, talent is not
certainly
specific to one profession it can
be accomplished
by anyone if the directions provided from childhood. Considering the points
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, talent does not belong to one stream of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart shows the central heating system at a house works. write a report for a university lecturer making comparisons where relevant and reporting the main features. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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