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The table illustrates the number of viewers who enjoy sporting programs in particular countries (Australia, The UK, The USA, and Canada). v.1

The table illustrates the number of viewers who enjoy sporting programs in particular countries (Australia, The UK, The USA, and Canada). v. 1
Access to internet and television gives ordinary people a platform to become eminent. Using the web and television media to showcase the talent has become common these days. In my opinion, I consider it a negative trend because of the damage it does to individual and society. One of the chief downsides of this increasing trend is that it distracts people from their important task. People, especially teenagers, are obsessed to use the internet as well as the television media to gain popularity. Most of the students waste their precious time on finding ways to get more and more likes on their uploaded content on social media. They do not give enough time to study and as a result their academic performance degrades. Another issue with excessive use of the internet to become a known face in the world, is that this affect human health. Many a times, the youth gets so ignorant about their fitness that they spend long hours scrolling through social media such as Facebook and WhatsApp to find out about new trends. This prolong use of gadgets weaken the person's eyesight, because mobile phones emit ultraviolet rays which affect human eyes. Additionally, people who use internet excessively are more prone to cyber attacks. Their privacy and confidential things such as bank account details and personal images can be hacked easily as compared to others. For instance, in a survey done by the cybercrime branch in India, it was found that most of the people who became victim of cybercrime used to share their stuff ignorantly with strangers. In conclusion, while the internet is beneficial in many ways, excessive use of this, to become famous, can be dangerous for a person's health and may sometimes result in poor academic performance of children.
Access to internet and television gives ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a platform to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
eminent. Using the web and television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to showcase the talent has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
common these days. In my opinion, I consider it a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the damage it does to individual and society.

One of the chief downsides of this increasing trend is that it distracts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
task.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
are obsessed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet
as well
as the television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to gain popularity. Most of the students waste their precious time on finding ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more and more likes on their uploaded content on social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. They do not give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to study and
as a result
their academic performance degrades.

Another issue with excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a known face in the world, is that this affect human health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a time" or simply "times"?
a times
, the youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
ignorant about their fitness that they spend long hours scrolling through social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
such as Facebook and WhatsApp to find out about new trends.
The verb 'prolong' is plural. Did you mean: "This prolongs"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This prolong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of gadgets weaken the person's eyesight,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
mobile phones emit ultraviolet rays which affect human eyes.

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet
excessively
are more prone to
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber attacks
. Their privacy and confidential things such as bank account
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and personal images can
be hacked
easily
as compared to others.
For instance
, in a survey done by the cybercrime branch in India, it
was found
that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who became victim of cybercrime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to share their stuff
ignorantly
with strangers.

In conclusion
, while the internet is beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
, can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for a person's health and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
result in poor academic performance of children.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The table illustrates the number of viewers who enjoy sporting programs in particular countries (Australia, The UK, The USA, and Canada). v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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