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The chart gives information about the number of subscribers using the phone per 100 residents in Africa between 1994 and 2004 v.1

The chart gives information about the number of subscribers using the phone per 100 residents in Africa between 1994 and 2004 v. 1
The fashion industry is one of the fast changing industry in the modern era. Change is the law of life and youngsters are the most influenced ones's of this changing trend. Nowadays, people prefer going to malls to buy branded products, but a large section of people still prefer traditional shopping from their set shopkeepers. In this essay, we will discuss both aspects of this development in the light of several reasons, before any conclusion can be drawn. Firstly, it is universally accepted fact that taste and choices of people changes over time. People prefer shopping at malls because they get a variety of things under one roof and environment in malls is far better than any local markets. For example, we do a lot of things for our entertainment while shopping for our necessities like watching movie, eating, dancing, play area for kids and much more. Also, youngsters do imitate their favourite superstar or famous icon and try to copy them and hence, shop for particular brands to show off to their friends. Shopping malls contribute a lot to economic growth and change is necessary for every economy to boom. Secondly, some people prefer buying from local shopkeepers because of the price differences. On the other hand, for some people who have time constraints, they find it difficult to visit huge malls for small requirements. Local markets also offer a wide range of products and advantages, such as the freshness of fruits and vegetables, dairy products, spices and pulses etc. Besides this, local markets give employment to a lot of people and helping them to earn their livelihood. For example, my family prefers buying grocery items and other household products from local chains as they offer a wide range of discounts and offers. To conclude, everything contributes to the growth of the economy. The increasing trend of shopping malls has more positive points which are eclipsing the counter argument of shopping in the local markets. Change is important and we know the trend of online and visual shopping is on the rise. People now prefer shopping online, where they get extra facilities of free home delivery and wide range of products. In my opinion, I will prefer going to the mall because of the variety of things one can do under one roof.
The fashion industry is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
changing industry in the modern era.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Change
is the law of life and youngsters are the most influenced
Did you mean "one's" or "ones'"?
ones's
of this changing trend. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
branded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a large section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
from their set shopkeepers. In this essay, we will discuss both aspects of this development in the light of several reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any conclusion can
be drawn
.

Firstly
, it is
universally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
fact that taste and choices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
over time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a variety of things under one roof and environment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
is far better than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
markets.
For example
, we do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things for our entertainment while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
for our necessities like watching movie, eating, dancing, play area for kids and much more.
Also
, youngsters do imitate their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
superstar or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
icon and try to copy them and
hence
, shop for particular brands to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off to their friends.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
contribute a lot to economic growth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is necessary for every economy to boom.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
buying from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shopkeepers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the price differences.
On the other hand
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have time constraints, they find it difficult to visit huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
requirements.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Local
markets
also
offer a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and advantages, such as the freshness of fruits and vegetables, dairy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, spices and pulses etc.
Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
markets give employment to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and helping them to earn their livelihood.
For example
, my family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefers
buying grocery items and other household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
chains as they offer a wide range of discounts and offers.

To conclude
, everything contributes to the growth of the economy. The increasing trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points which are eclipsing the counter argument of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
markets.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Change
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
important and
we know the trend of online and visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is on the rise.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
online, where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
extra facilities of free home delivery and wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. In my opinion, I will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the variety of things one can do under one roof.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart gives information about the number of subscribers using the phone per 100 residents in Africa between 1994 and 2004 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
384 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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