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The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15 64 in employment between 2003 and 2009 v.1

The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15 64 in employment between 2003 and 2009 v. 1
The energy obtained from the sun also known as solar power, is getting increasingly famous as a domestic source in various parts of the world. Due to its popularity, there are many advantages and disadvantages, which will be discussed further. The alarming rate of the use of fossil fuels made the man turn to alternative sources such as solar energy. For example: instead of using petrol to run cars, automobile experts are now creating vehicles that run on electricity. Initially, solar power was used by huge organizations on a wide scale, but currently it is accessible to individual homes. It is used for heating of water, which subsequently provides a reduced electricity bill. In poor villages, the energy drawn from the scorching sun is stored to be used for street lights in the night. These are some reasons that solar power is a popular household source. The advantages are, that it is obtained from a never-ending resource and hence wouldn’t be near extinction. It doesn't run on power and hence is alternatively cheaper than fossil fuels that are limited in nature. On the contrary, its disadvantages are that the sun is not always available in some cold countries like Alaska and this restricts its use. A solar panel has to be set up in order to utilize its energy. These panels are often expensive, which also makes them inaccessible to the underprivileged. In conclusion, there are on-going efforts to make solar energy as a permanent source of fuel and limit the consumption depleting resources.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
obtained from the sun
also
known as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
, is getting
increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
as a domestic source in various parts of the world. Due to its popularity, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages and disadvantages, which will
be discussed
further
.

The alarming rate of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of fossil fuels made the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
turn to alternative sources such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
.
For example
:
instead
of using petrol to run cars, automobile experts are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
creating vehicles that run on electricity.
Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by huge organizations on a wide scale,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
currently
it is accessible to individual homes. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for heating of water, which
subsequently
provides a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
electricity bill. In poor villages, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
drawn from the scorching sun
is stored
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for street lights in the night. These are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
is a popular household source.

The advantages are, that it
is obtained
from a never-ending resource and
hence
wouldn’t be near extinction. It doesn't run on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
and
hence
is
alternatively
cheaper than fossil fuels that
are limited
in nature.
On the contrary
, its disadvantages are that the sun is not always available in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
countries like Alaska and this restricts its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
panel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be set
up in order to utilize its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. These panels are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
expensive, which
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them inaccessible to the underprivileged.

In conclusion
, there are
Did you mean "ongoing"?
on-going
efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
as a permanent source of fuel and limit the consumption depleting resources.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15 64 in employment between 2003 and 2009 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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