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The chart below shows yhe percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comaparisons where relevant. v.1

The chart below shows yhe percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
The popularity of online shopping has increased rapidly since past few years. People are able to buy almost everything on the Internet, starting from simple things like food, on entertainment ending. While for some, buying on the Internet may have drawbacks, I believe there is more benefits which, in my opinion outweigh disadvantages. Firstly, online shopping may have a bad influence on certain people. Internet made shopping easier and available for everyone. People can buy almost everything without leaving their houses, which may cause both physical and psychological issues such us shopping addiction. Moreover, buying on the Internet definitely leads to social distancing. For example, people having problems with communication and socialization stop leaving their houses, even for buying groceries, because they can do it online. Despite this, there are significant advantages of buying on the Internet. People can buy anything they need or want at any hour of the day, which is a benefit for those who works late hours or have too many responsibilities. Online shopping definitely saves time, people do not have to drive to the supermarket, neither spend all day in traffic and lines at shopping malls. Buying on the Internet is for everyone, so even those with health issues can do shopping. For example, disable or elderly don't have to ask others for help, they can simply shop online. For instance, nowadays a lot of shops exist only on the Internet, so to get their products society needs to buy it online. Thus, buying things on the Internet save time and energy, but also support online brands. In conclusion, there are both benefits and drawback of online shopping. Although, it may cause health issues in some people, in my view merits such us time saving out weigh downsides.
The popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has increased
rapidly
since past few years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
almost everything on the Internet, starting from simple things like food, on entertainment ending. While for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
on the Internet may have drawbacks, I believe
Did you mean "there are more benefits"?
there is more benefits
which, in my opinion outweigh disadvantages.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
may have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Internet made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
easier and available for everyone.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
almost everything without leaving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, which may cause both physical and psychological issues such us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
addiction.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
on the Internet definitely leads to social distancing.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having problems with communication and socialization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
leaving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, even for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
groceries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can do it online.

Despite this, there are significant advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
on the Internet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
anything they need or want at any hour of the day, which is a benefit for those who works late hours or have too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
responsibilities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
definitely saves time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
drive to the supermarket, neither spend all day in traffic and lines at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Buying
on the Internet is for everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
even those with health issues can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
For example
, disable or elderly don't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
ask others for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, they can
simply
shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
For instance
, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
shops exist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the Internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their products society needs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
things on the Internet save time and energy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
brands.

In conclusion
, there are both benefits and drawback of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. Although, it may cause health issues in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, in my view merits such us time saving out weigh downsides.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below shows yhe percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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