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The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period. v.1

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period. v. 1
The charts illustrate the number of sports played by the children (Football, Athletics and swimming) in the given period between 2008 and 2014 and the money spent by their parents. Overall, the money was spent in pounds and the number of children was measured in millions. Initially, the first figure was about the average money spent on children's sports then in 2008 parents spend an average of 20 pounds monthly. In the following 2 years, it slowly began to increase and went on increasing. Same way, it had reached nearly an average of 32 pounds monthly by 2014. Secondly, the next chart showed that the statistic of children had participated in 3 different sports like, Football, athletics, and swimming. The engagement of children in athletics has experienced some fluctuation, meanwhile, swimming and football participations were almost stable. In 2008, nearly 1 million children were involved in athletics whereas the number of swimmers was 2. 3 million. Although, the number of swimming candidate was higher in an initial phase, in 2011 the number of athletics and swimming were equal (2. 5 million). The number of participation in athletics was on rapid growth, but it started to fall by 2014 by nearly 1. 5 million, at the same time, the number of participations in swimming has been increasing at the same speed. Finally, In terms of footballs it was found that mostly 8 million children had participated in 2008 and it has been running smoothly until 2009 after it showed a slight downfall of 1 million. Even though many were interested in the starting, it didn't go as it should be Moreover, football was seen almost stable until 2010, it rose by 2 million by 2014.
The charts illustrate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of sports played by the
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children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(Football
, Athletics and swimming) in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period between 2008 and 2014 and the money spent by their parents.
Overall
, the money
was spent
in pounds and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
was measured
in millions.

Initially
, the
first
figure was about the average money spent on children's sports then in 2008 parents spend an average of
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
20 pounds
monthly. In the following 2 years, it
slowly
began to increase and went on increasing. Same way, it had reached
nearly
an average of
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
32 pounds
monthly by 2014.

Secondly
, the
next
chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the statistic of
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children
had participated in 3
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sports like,
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Football
, athletics, and swimming. The engagement of
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children
in athletics has experienced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuation, meanwhile, swimming and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
Possible spelling mistake found.
participations
were almost stable. In 2008,
nearly
1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were involved
in athletics whereas the
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number
of swimmers was 2. 3
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million
. Although, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of swimming candidate was higher in an initial phase, in 2011 the
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number
of athletics and swimming were equal (2. 5
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million)
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of participation in athletics was on rapid growth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to fall by 2014 by
nearly
1. 5
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million
, at the same time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
participations
in swimming has been increasing at the same speed.

Finally
, In terms of
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footballs
it
was found
that
mostly
8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
had participated in 2008 and it has been running
smoothly
until 2009 after it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a slight downfall of 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
.
Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
were interested
in the starting, it didn't go as it should be
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
almost stable until 2010, it rose by 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
by 2014.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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