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The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children s sports between 2008 and 2014 The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period v.1

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children s sports between 2008 and 2014 The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period v. 1
Modern electronic gadgets and their influence on letter writing skills is debatable. Some people claim that due to increased use of mobiles and computers few people have retained the habit of letter writing, however, others feel this art of letter writing will disappear completely. I partly agree with this statement because official communication will be by the conventional method of writing letters, however personal communication has been completely replaced by a short chat on the mobiles or computers. Firstly, today people are busy and everyone possesses mobiles. So, it is far more convenient for them to chat on mobiles frequently, rather than letter writing. Because letters will take longer time to reach the concerned destination. Moreover, personal messages to the love ones are very short, unlike the long inland letters of olden days. For instance, my mother still cherishes the letters written by my father during the time of their marriage. In addition, mobiles can be conveniently accessed by children as well for communication. Therefore, these traditional personal letter writing has not only become outdated, but very soon it might disappear completely. Similar to the telegram which was recently shut down permanently all over the world. Secondly, official communication will always remain in black and white. Because these official letters are an evidence of communication. Although, it can be communicated via mobiles or computers it will still, be in the format of official letters. So, the traditional format of these business letters has not changed over time. In addition, these letters are posted to the respective places after fixing stamps and if it is urgent speed post can be opted, where the letters reach within 24 hours. For example, I receive my house rental payment confirmation by an official letter from my owner every month. In conclusion, although personal communication by letter writing might get disappeared, the official communication will always be in the form of traditional writing of letters.
Modern electronic gadgets and their influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
is debatable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that due to increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobiles and computers few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have retained the habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
,
however
, others feel this art of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
will disappear completely. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
will be by the conventional method of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
has been completely replaced by a short chat on the mobiles or computers.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are busy and everyone possesses mobiles.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is far more convenient for them to chat on mobiles
frequently
,
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
will take longer time to reach the concerned destination.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
messages to the
Did you mean "loved ones"?
love ones
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short, unlike the long inland
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
of olden days.
For instance
, my mother
still
cherishes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
written by my father during the time of their marriage.
In addition
, mobiles can be
conveniently
accessed by children
as well
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
Therefore
, these traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
become outdated,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
it might disappear completely. Similar to the telegram which was recently shut down
permanently
all over the world.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
will always remain in black and white.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
are an evidence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
. Although, it can
be communicated
via mobiles or computers it will
still
, be in the format of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the traditional format of these business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over time.
In addition
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
are posted
to the respective places after fixing stamps and if it is urgent speed post can
be opted
, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
reach within 24 hours.
For example
, I receive my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
rental payment confirmation by an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
from my owner every month.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
disappeared, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
will always be in the form of traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children s sports between 2008 and 2014 The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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