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International university study has become more popular these days as more and more students each year plan to do their graduate or post-graduate studies in a foreign country. What do you think are the reasons for this? And, how will this affect societies v.1

International university study has become more popular these days as more and more students each year plan to do their graduate or post-graduate studies in a foreign country. What do you think are the reasons for this? And, how will this affect societies v. 1
As the nature of business evolves at an ever-increasing pace, many jobs have gradually become obsolete, and workers are no longer guaranteed any lifetime or sustainable employment career. The main reasons behind this shift in the paradigm are globalization and technology growth. To overcome this challenge, people need to upgrade their skills and have a change mindset. To begin with, there are a few different justifications for the mentioned problem. In the first place, globalization is a factor which contributes to the tendency. To be more specific, increasing globalization has disrupted traditional industries leading to the loss of many occupations. As companies tend to operate internationally, their workforce is likely to be optimized for cost efficiencies. Therefore, several employments are no longer appropriate and they will be discarded. For example, people working in the field of writing letters are not hired by any corporations simply because nowadays people can use social media to interact with each other. In the second place, technology growth is also the cause of this issue. Artificial intelligence is gaining in popularity in modern society and many complex tasks ranging from household chores to driving can be done by them. As a result, the robots are replacing human in many fields and no job is safe. Knowing that these changes in the world of work are inevitable, employees should actively increase their competitiveness, avoid any complacency, and be willing to take on more risks. Additionally, learning multiple languages is an excellent way to start any career change as it instantly doubles or triples your work market. Other trending skills such as I. T and social marketing, will also allow one to be highly regarded in the eyes of head hunters. But more importantly, people should not be afraid to make different career moves and always be mentally ready for new opportunities. In conclusion, most work will be replaced by either cheaper third-world labour or advanced machinery. The best way to adapt to this new world is always to stay ahead of the learning curve and be open to any change.
As the nature of business evolves at an ever-increasing pace,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs have
gradually
become obsolete, and workers are no longer guaranteed any lifetime or sustainable employment career. The main reasons behind this shift in the paradigm are globalization and technology growth. To overcome this challenge,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to upgrade their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
mindset.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are a few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
justifications for the mentioned problem. In the
first
place, globalization is a factor which contributes to the tendency. To be more specific, increasing globalization has disrupted traditional industries leading to the loss of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
occupations. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
tend to operate
internationally
, their workforce is likely to
be optimized
for cost efficiencies.
Therefore
, several employments are no longer
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
appropriate and
they will
be discarded
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in the field of writing letters are not hired by any corporations
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
social media to interact with each other. In the second place, technology growth is
also
the cause of this issue. Artificial intelligence is gaining in popularity in modern society and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
complex tasks ranging from household chores to driving can
be done
by them.
As a result
, the robots are replacing human in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields and no job is safe.

Knowing that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in the world of work are inevitable, employees should
actively
increase their competitiveness, avoid any complacency, and be willing to take on more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
Additionally
, learning multiple languages is an excellent way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
any career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
as it
instantly
doubles or triples your work market. Other trending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as I. T and social marketing, will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
one to be
highly
regarded in the eyes of head hunters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
more
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not be afraid to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
career
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
and always be mentally ready for new opportunities.

In conclusion
, most work will
be replaced
by either cheaper third-world
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
or advanced machinery. The best way to adapt to this new world is always to stay ahead of the learning curve and be open to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay International university study has become more popular these days as more and more students each year plan to do their graduate or post-graduate studies in a foreign country. What do you think are the reasons for this? And, how will this affect societies v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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