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World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. v.1

World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. v. 1
Females have proved to be the best in every field time and again. So coming to the topic where I would speak of females having control or to be more specific female leaders. If we turn back the pages of world history, we would always learn that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership. Thought the reasons could be many and different at the same time, in my view the common reason is the 'male ego'. A female too has ego I do not deny that or I am not getting biased here, but the male gets his ego into petty things and cannot control his anger at that point of time, whereas females have that capability of holding on to their anger and revert back at the correct hour. As I am an Indian citizen so let me cite examples from my own country, let me take examples of Rani Lakshmi Bai, during her reign many battles were fought, but not as many as the King Ashoka. If we come to politics Indira Gandhi had handled things in a much better way than any of her male counterparts. Yes, some males do have the capability of sorting thing out with a cool mind, I do not deny that completely, but one cannot deny the fact these qualities are found more in females. Take example from your daily life, a female driving a car, follows all the traffic rules and you will not see a dent or scratch in her car, but a man who is believed to be the best drivers and are proud of their skills would have maximum of them. How many times do you see a female coming out of her and fighting with some other driver, but it is a common scenario when a male is driving. So to conclude, I would reiterate my point that females proved their skills in every field so no doubt they are the best leaders. Thank you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Females
have proved to be the best in every field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and again.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
coming to the topic where I would speak of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
having control or to be more specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
leaders.

If we turn back the pages of world history, we would always learn that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Thought
the reasons could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, in my view the common reason is the 'male ego'. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
too has ego I do not deny
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
that or
I am not getting biased here,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the male
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
his ego into petty things and cannot control his anger at that point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
have that capability of holding on to their anger and
Consider using "revert".
revert back
at the correct hour.

As I am an Indian citizen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me cite examples from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me take examples of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rani
Lakshmi
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bai
, during her reign
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
battles
were fought
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as the King Ashoka.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to politics Indira Gandhi had handled things in a much better way than any of her male counterparts. Yes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
do have the capability of sorting thing out with a cool mind, I do not deny that completely,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one cannot deny the fact these qualities
are found
more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. Take example from your daily life, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
driving a car, follows all the traffic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and you will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a dent or scratch in her car,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who
is believed
to be the best drivers and are proud of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
would have maximum of them. How
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
coming out of her and fighting with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other driver,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is a common scenario when a male is driving.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to conclude
, I would reiterate my point that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
proved their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in every field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
no doubt they are the best leaders.

Thank you
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
329 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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