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The chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 and 2007 v.1

The chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 and 2007 v. 1
Instead of being conducted by private companies, important scientific investigation must be managed and administered by the governments, according to the opinions of many. I personally believe that private companies should be given their own freedom in doing inquiry, but with sufficient and proper monitoring from the government. On one hand, it is true that scientific inquiry should not be only conducted by the government. The main reason is that the scope of scientific probe is diverse and wide, and private companies could cover up some inquiry which is not carried out by the governments. Many private institutions or individuals' discoveries are useful for the humanity, as we can learn from the past. For example, Thomas Alva Edison was an individual inventor who has greatly contributed to the world with his inventions such as the light bulb, motion pictures, phonograph and so on. We should notice that the invention was not the main focus of the government’s analysis during that time, and thanks to Edison we have electric light today. On the other hand, although private companies give the right to do scientific probe, they must be strictly monitored by the governments. They must be controlled, as some of them might be doing it for their monetary gain or for destructive weapons. For example, some companies might focus on developing biochemical weapons, and it could threaten the world peace. It is the governments’ job to prevent and block these kinds of exploration. In conclusion, I do not agree that scientific analysis should only be conducted by the governments. It is a fact that the scope of scientific examination is huge. Therefore, privateers should be allowed in doing analysis. However, I do agree to the examination that is done by private companies must be reviewed, and monitored by the governments in order to avoid any misappropriation.
Instead
of
being conducted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
investigation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be managed
and administered by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
, according to the opinions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
freedom in doing inquiry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with sufficient and proper monitoring from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

On one hand, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
inquiry should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
conducted by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. The main reason is that the scope of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
probe is diverse and wide, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
could cover up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inquiry which is not carried out by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
institutions or individuals' discoveries are useful for the humanity, as we can learn from the past.
For example
, Thomas Alva Edison was an individual inventor who has
greatly
contributed to the world with his inventions such as the light bulb, motion pictures, phonograph and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. We should notice that the invention was not the main focus of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
analysis during that time, and thanks to Edison we have electric light
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

On the other hand
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
give the right to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
probe, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
strictly
monitored by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be controlled
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them might be doing it for their monetary gain or for destructive weapons.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
might focus on developing biochemical weapons, and it could threaten the world peace. It is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments’
job to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
and block these kinds of exploration.

In conclusion
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
analysis should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be conducted
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
. It is a fact that the scope of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
examination is huge.
Therefore
, privateers should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
in doing analysis.
However
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the examination that
is done
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be reviewed
, and monitored by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
in order to avoid any misappropriation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 and 2007 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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