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Some people think that increasing communication usage of computers and mobile phones by young people has had a negative effect on their reading and writing skills To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people think that increasing communication usage of computers and mobile phones by young people has had a negative effect on their reading and writing skills v. 1
Many people argue that knowledge in the science field, business information as well as academic one should be publicized, meanwhile, others suppose that it would be better to limit the access to the information. I believe that some vital concepts should not be easily accessible to the whole community. On the one hand, it is explanatory why some people prefer particular information should be open to the public. Provided that everyone is allowed to hold scientific techniques, the whole community would be benefitted at large, since essential and inexpensive goods would be manufactured on a substantial scale. Centuries ago, for instance, it was that only a number of people who has high socioeconomic status was able to own a clock. Once the method used to produce them was widely unveiled, the probability of possessing a clock was accessible to the poor. On the other hand, I support the idea that the access of specialized information should be restricted. On reason is that some kinds of knowledge are extremely important to such an extent that the inappropriate use of these techniques would probably be a root of some global disasters. For example, the US had bombed two residential sites in Japan, Nagasaki and Hiroshima, caused the death of thousands of Japanese at the end of the World War II. If the methodology of making the atomic bomb is obtained effortlessly to the Islamic State, the death tolls around the globe would not be able to count. Secondly, many researchers, as well as experts, devoted their entire life to searching in their chosen field, their achievements should be provided sufficient rewards such as the patent or copyright to their goals. In conclusion, the admission to access essential information should be open to the whole community, however, vital and dangerous one should be narrowly provided.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that knowledge in the science field, business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
as well
as academic one should
be publicized
, meanwhile, others suppose that it would be better to limit the access to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vital concepts should not be
easily
accessible to the whole community.

On the one hand, it is explanatory why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
should be open to the public. Provided that everyone is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to hold scientific techniques, the whole community would be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
at large, since essential and inexpensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
would
be manufactured
on a substantial scale. Centuries ago,
for instance
, it was that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who has high socioeconomic status was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a clock. Once the method
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to produce them was
widely
unveiled, the probability of possessing a clock was accessible to the poor.

On the other hand
, I support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the access of specialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
should
be restricted
. On reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of knowledge are
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to such an extent that the inappropriate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these techniques would
probably
be a root of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
global disasters.
For example
, the US had bombed two residential sites in Japan, Nagasaki and Hiroshima, caused the death of thousands of Japanese at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the World War II. If the methodology of making the atomic bomb
is obtained
effortlessly
to the Islamic State, the death tolls around the globe would not be able to count.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researchers,
as well
as experts, devoted their entire life to searching in their chosen field, their achievements should
be provided
sufficient rewards such as the patent or copyright to their goals.

In conclusion
, the admission to access essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
should be open to the whole community,
however
, vital and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
one should be
narrowly
provided.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that increasing communication usage of computers and mobile phones by young people has had a negative effect on their reading and writing skills v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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