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The chart below shows how primary secondary and tertiary students in Britain spend their free time v.1

The chart below shows how primary secondary and tertiary students in Britain spend their free time v. 1
A school of thought believes that by increasing the fuel price is the only method to curb world consumption of fuel and reduce pressure on the world's fuel resources. However, the other proportion of people tends to differ from this approach. In my opinion, I agree with the latter view as the fuel prices have already been raised over the decade or two, which did not impact the usage of fuel by the public. There are various other methods could help to reduce fuel consumption. People should be aware of hazards that are caused by the over usage of fuel that leads to pollution. For instance, research conducted by the World Environment Organization demonstrated that the main reason for pollution if the over usage of fuel. Because of excessive burning of fuel the environment becomes polluted, which is the key reason for the damage in the Ozone layer. Therefore, to avoid further damages people should have a check over their fuel consumption. Secondly, the government should encourage people to commute with the help of public transportation. For example, an extensive study by the world pollution control board illustrated that when people choose to opt for public transport rather than private vehicles, 50% of the pressure on fuel will be brought down. Hence, not only the pressure on this renewable resource will be less but also the pollution will be limited. Consequently, fuel consumption and pollution will be less if the nation is lured towards public transportation. Finally, awareness of cycling should be spread among the country to lead a healthy lifestyle, which indirectly lowers the intake of fuel. In conclusion, even though a society of people thinks that an increase in fuel price will decrease its sales. I strongly believe that educating people about the problems caused by pollution, encouraging the use of public transport and motivating cyclist will be the most effective solutions to control the purchase of fuel.
A school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
believes that by increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
price is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
method to curb world consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
pressure on the world's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
resources.
However
, the other proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tends to differ from this approach. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
prices have already
been raised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the decade or two, which did not impact the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. There are various other methods could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
consumption.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should be aware of hazards that
are caused
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
that leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
For instance
, research conducted by the World Environment Organization demonstrated that the main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of excessive burning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
the environment becomes polluted, which is the key reason for the damage in the Ozone layer.
Therefore
, to avoid
further
damages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
consumption.

Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to commute with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation.
For example
, an extensive study by the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
control board illustrated that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to opt for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport
rather
than private vehicles, 50% of the pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
will
be brought
down.
Hence
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the pressure on this renewable resource will be less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
will
be limited
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
consumption and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
will be less if the nation
is lured
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation.

Finally
, awareness of cycling should
be spread
among the country to lead a healthy lifestyle, which
indirectly
lowers the intake of fuel.

In conclusion
,
even though
a society of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
price will decrease its sales. I
strongly
believe that educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the problems caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
, encouraging the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport and motivating cyclist will be the most effective solutions to control the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below shows how primary secondary and tertiary students in Britain spend their free time v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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