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Name a famous or influential figure who has inspired you. Describe this person and say why he/she has been inspirational to you. v.1

Name a famous or influential figure who has inspired you. Describe this person and say why he/she has been inspirational to you. v. 1
It is considered by some that giving children the experience of managing money will result to fewer dilemmas in their adult time. In my view, I agree with them. One good reason to allow children to handle money on their own is that it educates them to be a wise spender. As early as possible, they can learn the proper spending. For instance, when purchasing a product, they would know the correct amount that they need to pay and would know how to compute the overall expenses weekly. This skill is essential when they become adults as they will be experts in dealing with budgeting. Another is that it likewise teaches them the proper way of saving. Children would be able to know how and when to save. For example, when a child likes to purchase something, he would know how much to save every week in order to reach the goal, which is the exact price of the item he desires. This attitude would be useful in adulthood, as he is used to saving for his necessities. Finally, children would know how to be independent and make decisions of their own. Since children are trained to handle money, they can enhance their good decision making skills. To illustrate, they would know if an item is important for purchasing or not. Moreover, it can develop independently. Children may not need to ask help from parent in solving financial problems. As a result, when they have problems during their adult life, they can stand on their own. In conclusion, children in their adolescent stage should start managing budget their own expenses in order to gain knowledge about the appropriate way of spending and saving finances.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the experience of managing money will result to fewer dilemmas in their adult time. In my view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them.

One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to handle money on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
is that it educates them to be a wise spender. As early as possible, they can learn the proper spending.
For instance
, when purchasing a product, they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the correct amount that they need to pay and would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
how to compute the
overall
expenses weekly. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is essential when they become adults as they will be experts in dealing with budgeting.

Another is that it
likewise
teaches them the proper way of saving.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
would be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
how and when to save.
For example
, when a child likes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
something, he would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
how much to save every week in order to reach the goal, which is the exact price of the item he desires. This attitude would be useful in adulthood, as he is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to saving for his necessities.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
how to be independent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are trained
to handle money, they can enhance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. To illustrate, they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
if an item is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for purchasing or not.
Moreover
, it can develop
independently
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
may not need to ask
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from parent in solving financial problems.
As a result
, when they have problems during their adult life, they can stand on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their adolescent stage should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
managing budget their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
expenses in order to gain knowledge about the appropriate way of spending and saving finances.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Name a famous or influential figure who has inspired you. Describe this person and say why he/she has been inspirational to you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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