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The chart and table below give information about population figures in Japan Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The chart and table below give information about population figures in Japan
It is often argued that numbers of boys and girls admitted to every university subject must be the same. I strongly disagree with this statement that accepting the equal proportions of males and females in every subject. Firstly, every student has their own favorite subject and free to choose what they want to study in a university. When they were in high school, each of them must have thought what are they going to study based on what they are interested in. There are many subjects that are suitable to each gender. For example, fashion design and nurse are more attracted to girls compare to boys. Students cannot be forced just to fill the course that is less demand in male or female students. Secondly, they must see the applicants from their score and other qualifications. It is extremely unfair if they see from the applicants from the gender. For example, when a male student has a higher grade on his qualifications, but the number of male students outweigh the number of girl students but he is not allowed to join the course. It is not fair if they force them whenever the number of each gender has reached the limit and do not allow them who have higher grade to join the course. In conclusion, the number of students admitted must base on their qualifications and it is completely unfair if they were selected by gender. Each student has their own choice to choose what they like and passion in.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of boys and girls admitted to every university subject
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be the same. I
strongly
disagree with this statement that accepting the equal proportions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and females in every subject.

Firstly
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
favorite subject and free to choose what they want to study in a university. When they were in high school, each of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
what are they going to study based on what they
are interested
in. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
subjects that are suitable to each gender.
For example
, fashion design and nurse are more attracted to girls compare to boys.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
cannot
be forced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to fill the course
that is
less demand in male or female students.

Secondly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the applicants from their score and other qualifications. It is
extremely
unfair if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from the applicants from the gender.
For example
, when a male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has a higher grade on his qualifications,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of girl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the course. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
if they force them whenever the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of each gender has reached the limit and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them who have higher grade to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the course.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
admitted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
base on their qualifications and it is completely unfair if they
were selected
by gender. Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice to choose what they like and passion in.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The chart and table below give information about population figures in Japan

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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