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Describe a conversation yo had recently that changed your way of thinking. You should say: *who you spoke to*what you spoke to*what you liked about ityou should also say if you think we communicate enough today v.1

Describe a conversation yo had recently that changed your way of thinking. You should say: *who you spoke to*what you spoke to*what you liked about ityou should also say if you think we communicate enough today v. 1
It is clear that modern technologies have influenced how children pass their leisure time. Despite some obvious drawbacks of this trend, I believe that these are overshadowed by the benefits. On the one hand, there are a number of merits that affect young adults if they take too much time to play on technological devices. The first downside is that it is certainly difficult for parents to control and censor the content of what is posted on the internet that their youngsters are seeing on high-tech gadgets such as computers or mobile phones. As a result, they may imitate some negative behaviours such as violence or inappropriate images. Another minus point is that juveniles may have more health problems at a young age if they just use the cutting edge rather than do physical exercises or outdoor activities. For example, they could suffer from obesity due to staying glued to screens for a long time or their eyes can be weaker if they play computer games within more than two hours. On the other hand, I believe that the demerits are more significant than such disadvantages. Firstly, children’s horizons would be widened thanks to educational knowledge or valuable lessons in different areas through up-to-date technologies. My young niece, for instance, often watches English cartoons on a huge variety of entertainment channels like Cartoon Network or Disney Channel. Therefore, he could not only relieve stress and anxiety after a hard day at school, but also would improve his speaking and listening skills in English. In addition, parents would feel secure about their teenagers when they kill their spare time with enjoyable ones at home instead of going outside with their real-life friends who they do not able to identify whether they are good or not. This is due to the fact that they might manage their adolescents more effectively if they are in parents ‘sight. In conclusion, I would argue that filling youngsters’ playtime on using advanced technologies brings more positives than negatives owing to the aforementioned points.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that modern technologies have influenced how children pass their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious drawbacks of this trend, I believe that these
are overshadowed
by the benefits.

On the one hand, there are a number of merits that affect young adults if they take too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play on technological devices. The
first
downside is that it is
certainly
difficult for parents to control and censor the content of what
is posted
on the internet that their youngsters are seeing on high-tech gadgets such as computers or mobile phones.
As a result
, they may imitate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
such as violence or inappropriate images. Another minus point is that juveniles may have more health problems at a young age if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the cutting edge
rather
than do physical exercises or outdoor activities.
For example
, they could suffer from obesity due to staying glued to screens for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or their eyes can be weaker if they play computer games within more than two hours.

On the other hand
, I believe that the demerits are more significant than such disadvantages.
Firstly
, children’s horizons would
be widened
thanks to educational knowledge or valuable lessons in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas through up-to-date technologies. My young niece,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
English cartoons on a huge variety of entertainment channels like Cartoon Network or Disney Channel.
Therefore
, he could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety after a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
day at school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his speaking and listening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in English.
In addition
, parents would feel secure about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
when they kill their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with enjoyable ones at home
instead
of going outside with their real-life friends who they do not able to identify whether they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or not.
This is due to the fact that
they might manage their adolescents more
effectively
if they are in parents ‘sight.

In conclusion
, I would argue that filling youngsters’ playtime on using advanced technologies brings more positives than negatives owing to the aforementioned points.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a conversation yo had recently that changed your way of thinking. You should say: *who you spoke to*what you spoke to*what you liked about ityou should also say if you think we communicate enough today v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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