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The care of old people is a growing problem. Some say the government should care for old people. Others say that it is the family’s responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

The care of old people is a growing problem. Some say the government should care for old people. Others say that it is the family’s responsibility. v. 1
The geriatric care has become an issue all over the world as it is no longer clear that who has the responsibility the authority or the family. I accord with the view that, it is the duty of both the authority and the relatives of old ones’ to take care of them; in this essay, both these viewpoints will be argued with the relevant supporting ideas and example. On the one hand, the duty of the government towards the geriatrics cannot be denied. Firstly, the administration should have the surplus monetary funds for their responsibility and medical facilities owing to the fact that they are unemployed at this age. Furthermore, considering the risk of their health factors, the medical treatments should be rendered to them without any know how. Indeed, a recent survey in Sweden showed a drastic upsurge in the decline rate of the death rate in the last decade. On the flip side, despite the fact that the government officials should take them as their liability, the idea that the family members should support them in their late ages cannot be overlooked. The geriatrics have developed an intellect of staying with their family and loved ones, and when the members have not enough money to provide them with all medical amenities they have to leave these old individuals to the care homes. Moreover, the hectic work schedule has widened the gap between the elderly person and the new generation and they have less or no time left with them to spend with the golden-ager’s in their family. This can be easily seen in my country where nowadays no one is ready to take responsibility of their relatives at the dotage. To conclude, I opine that above argued opinions can be easily resolved if the mix of both the views could be potentially applicable. Although the government should provide more money for the golden-agers, the relatives should also spend time with the old-fogey so that they can feel comfortable and contented.
The geriatric care has become an issue all over the world as it is no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that who has the responsibility the authority or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. I accord with the view that, it is the duty of both the authority and the relatives of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones’
to take care of them; in this essay, both these viewpoints will
be argued
with the relevant supporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and example.

On the one hand, the duty of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
towards the geriatrics cannot
be denied
.
Firstly
, the administration should have the surplus monetary funds for their responsibility and medical facilities owing to the fact that they
are unemployed
at this age.
Furthermore
, considering the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of their health factors, the medical treatments should
be rendered
to them without any know how.
Indeed
, a recent survey in Sweden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a drastic upsurge in the decline rate of the death rate in the last decade.

On the flip side, despite the fact that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials should take them as their liability, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members should support them in their late ages cannot
be overlooked
. The geriatrics have developed an intellect of staying with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, and when the members have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to provide them with all medical amenities they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
individuals to the care homes.
Moreover
, the hectic work schedule has widened the gap between the elderly person and the new
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
generation and
they have less or no time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with them to spend with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
golden-ager
’s in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This can be
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in my country where nowadays no one is ready to take responsibility of their relatives at the dotage.

To conclude
, I opine that above argued opinions can be
easily
resolved if the mix of both the views could be
potentially
applicable. Although the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide more money for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
golden-agers
, the relatives should
also
spend time with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
old-fogey
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can feel comfortable and contented.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The care of old people is a growing problem. Some say the government should care for old people. Others say that it is the family’s responsibility. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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