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The camera has changed the way we look at the world and the way that we celebrate special occasions. v.1

The camera has changed the way we look at the world and the way that we celebrate special occasions. v. 1
The invention of the camera was one of the greatest findings of all time. For the last two decades, photos and videos have become an integral part of the human culture. Needless to say, the camera has changed the way of celebration and the perception of a normal person. Nowadays there is rarely any occasion which is not being captured by a camera or video recorder. Also, the ways important events are being telecasted have changed a lot. Firstly, the camera has opened up avenues for keeping our memorable events intact throughout our life span. These still images and videos captured by the camera can later be used to cherish those moments of happiness. Take the first rice ceremony of a newly born child, for instance. When this child grows up, he can feel his parent's exact feeling, through the video captured at the time of the event. Thus, it is quite evident that the camera has changed the way of celebration of our memorable occasions. Moreover, the camera has also changed the way we look at the world. For example, in the non-camera era, it was impossible for any individual to view the live telecast of the very important "rail budget" being organised at the parliament. The introduction of the camera has made this possible. Now sitting at any corner of the world, a person can watch the live streaming of any important event being organised somewhere else. Looking at this illustration, it can be easily seen how the camera has changed the way we look at the world. After analysing the above points, we can safely conclude that the introduction of the camera is indeed one among the very few live changing inventions. It has changed our perception towards the world along with the way of celebration. It is also expected that in the foreseeable future the usage of the camera will even grow higher.
The invention of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
was one of the greatest findings of all time. For the last two decades, photos and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
have become an integral part of the human culture. Needless to say, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way of celebration and the perception of a normal person. Nowadays there is rarely any occasion which is not
being captured
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
recorder.
Also
, the ways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are being
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a lot.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
has opened up avenues for keeping our memorable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
intact throughout our life span. These
still
images and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
captured by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
can later be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cherish those moments of happiness. Take the
first
rice ceremony of a
newly
born child,
for instance
. When this child grows up, he can feel his parent's exact feeling, through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
captured at the time of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
.
Thus
, it is quite evident that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way of celebration of our memorable occasions.

Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way we look at the world.
For example
, in the non-camera era, it was impossible for any individual to view the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
telecast of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
rail budget
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
being
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
at the parliament. The introduction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
has made this possible.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
sitting at any corner of the world, a person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
live streaming
of any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
being
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
somewhere else. Looking at this illustration, it can be
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way we look at the world.

After
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the above points, we can
safely
conclude that the introduction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
is
indeed
one among the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
changing inventions. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our perception towards the world along with the way of celebration. It is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that in the foreseeable future the usage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
will even grow higher.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay The camera has changed the way we look at the world and the way that we celebrate special occasions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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