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The better way to relax and reduce stress is by spending some time alone. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

The better way to relax and reduce stress is by spending some time alone. v. 1
Celebrities, such as well known actors and sportsmen, carry out a life full of benefits. However, some disadvantages come with this fame. Most famous people are also rich. Their managers are always able to get excellent contracts and a great amount of money is paid to celebrities. For instance, a famous singer called Shakira got paid five million dollars last year to appear in a Coca Cola's advertisement. Another great advantage celebrities enjoy, is that everyone likes them. Consequently, they are always treated well by clerks and waiters. On the other hand, we can find some relevant problems with this lifestyle. First, it is extremely difficult for famous people to keep their private life out of the cameras. For instance, when Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt got divorced, all kinds of violent stories came out and none of this was true. Secondly, if no matter what you do everyone likes you, you will never know who is your true friend. This is why celebrities feel so lonely, even though they are often surrounded by people. In the third place, famous actors for example, cannot stop working. They need to maintain the character they have created in front of the cameras in any situation. For instance, If Julia Roberts were shopping in the supermarket around the corner, I am sure she would not be dressing pyjamas. In conclusion, I strongly believe that despite all the benefits that being a famous film star or sports personality could bring, the problems clearly outweigh the advantages. If you have enough money to afford a good lifestyle, I advise you not to fall into celebrities's world.
Celebrities
, such
as well
known actors and sportsmen, carry out a life full of benefits.
However
,
some
disadvantages
come
with this fame.

Most
famous
people
are
also
rich. Their managers are always able to
get
excellent contracts and a great amount of money
is paid
to
celebrities
.
For instance
, a
famous
singer called Shakira
got
paid five million dollars last year to appear in a Coca Cola's advertisement. Another great advantage
celebrities
enjoy, is that everyone likes them.
Consequently
, they are always treated well by clerks and waiters.

On the other hand
, we can find
some
relevant problems with this lifestyle.
First
, it is
extremely
difficult for
famous
people
to
keep
their private life out of the cameras.
For instance
, when Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
got
divorced, all kinds of violent stories came out and none of this was true.
Secondly
, if no matter what you do everyone likes you, you will never know who is your true friend. This is why
celebrities
feel
so
lonely,
even though
they are
often
surrounded by
people
. In the third place,
famous
actors
for example
, cannot
stop
working. They need to maintain the character they have created in front of the cameras in any situation.
For instance
, If Julia Roberts were shopping in the supermarket around the corner, I am sure she would not be dressing
pyjamas
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that despite all the benefits that being a
famous
film star or sports personality could bring, the problems
clearly
outweigh the advantages. If you have
enough
money to afford a
good
lifestyle, I advise you not to fall into
celebrities's
world.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The better way to relax and reduce stress is by spending some time alone. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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