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Some people think that the only way to judge someone’s success in life is by the amount of money they make. Is money a true indicator of the success of a life? In what other ways could success in a life be measured? v.1

Some people think that the only way to judge someone’s success in life is by the amount of money they make. Is money a true indicator of the success of a life? In what other ways could success in a life be measured? v. 1
It is commonly believed that modern technological advancements are widening the gap between the upper class and the lower class. Others, however, believe the opposite. In my opinion, certain technological innovations are available to all people in society and make contributions to bridging the wealth gap, nevertheless, certain innovations are inaccessible to the poor because of their high cost. On the one hand, some people think that certain innovations and discoveries play an integral role in filling the gap between different income levels. This is because they are accessible to all people among different social classes due to their easy availability at cheaper rates. For instance, internet technology is available to almost all sections of the society. It is affordable to all the people and certain places such as railway stations, bus stations and airports are wifi hotspots where the information superhighway is freely available. Besides this, modern technologies have provided great opportunities for the poor to get rich. For example, cyberspace has already made many people become billionaires by setting their own commercial websites. Compared to traditional industries, which require a large initial investment and higher operational costs. Hence, the world wide web is a much better and cheaper platform to make a fortune for people from all social backgrounds. On the other hand, many people argued that certain advancements in technology are not affordable for the lower-income class. Modern medicines, for example, are expensive. Certain new drugs and diagnostic procedures are very costly. Rich people can access these treatments by spending only a small amount of their income and improve their health. Poor people, on the other side, have to spend all of their money on conventional treatment and yet there is no guarantee of returning to a state of good health. To conclude, the latest technology is rephrasing our planet and affecting every aspect of human lives. While some claim that modern technology magnifies the gap between the rich and the poor, I strongly believe that it could narrow the difference between social classes.
It is
commonly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technological advancements are widening the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the upper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and the lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. Others,
however
, believe the opposite. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
technological innovations are available to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contributions to bridging the wealth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
,
nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
innovations are inaccessible to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their high cost.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
innovations and discoveries play an integral role in filling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
income levels. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are accessible to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
due to their easy availability at cheaper rates.
For instance
, internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is available to almost all sections of the society. It is affordable to all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
places such as railway stations, bus stations and airports are
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi Alliance.)
wifi
hotspots where the information superhighway is
freely
available.
Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have provided great opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rich.
For example
, cyberspace has already made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become billionaires by setting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
commercial websites. Compared to traditional industries, which require a large initial investment and higher operational costs.
Hence
, the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
is a much better and cheaper platform to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a fortune for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all social backgrounds.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are not affordable for the lower-income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Modern
medicines,
for example
, are expensive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Certain
new drugs and diagnostic procedures are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly. Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can access these treatments by spending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of their income and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, on the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend all of their money on conventional treatment and
yet
there is no guarantee of returning to a state of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health.

To conclude
, the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is rephrasing our planet and affecting every aspect of human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
magnifies the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the rich and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
, I
strongly
believe that it could narrow the difference between social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people think that the only way to judge someone’s success in life is by the amount of money they make. Is money a true indicator of the success of a life? In what other ways could success in a life be measured? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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