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The best way to solve the world's environmental problems to increase the costs of fuels. Do agree or disagree? v.2

The best way to solve the world's environmental problems to increase the costs of fuels. Do agree or disagree? v. 2
The most effective method of solving the world's environmental problems is said to be increasing the cost of fossil fuels. Although it can be helpful to mitigate the issue, but there are other things to be taken into account to overcome this predicament. Firstly, due to the enormous carbon emissions from the fossil fuels the environment is facing acute situations day by day as the number of vehicles being used by the people is rising drastically. Moreover, most of the private cars are owned by the most affluent people of the society for whom increasing the price of petrol, gas will not be a matter of concern. Therefore, rather than focusing on rising the price of fuels merely, concentration must be given to inventing eco-friendly transports which will consume less fuel. For example, if people start using environmentally friendly vehicles it is less likely to pollute the atmosphere as it is doing now. Secondly, the consumption of fuels is not the only reason behind the environmental problems. Rapid industrialization without having proper city planning is also accelerating the issue at its worst. Furthermore, reckless dumping of waste of here and there due to lack of proper waste management is making the soil and air polluted simultaneously. In order to eradicate the problem, proper planning of industrialization and their waste management should be established. Additionally, serious measures need to be taken to stop deforestation. Reduced number of trees are the root cause of climate change. For instance, Amazon was set on fire recently, which considered as the lungs of the earth. In conclusion, even though the rising number of using fuels is detrimental to the environment, but only resolving this issue will not bring us the required outcome. Focusing on inventing bio-friendly vehicles or fuels, innovating structured industrial planning along with massive afforestation will assist us to get rid of the environmental problems.
The most effective method of solving the world's environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is said
to be increasing the cost of fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
. Although it can be helpful to mitigate the issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are other things to
be taken
into account to overcome this predicament.

Firstly
, due to the enormous carbon emissions from the fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
the environment is facing acute
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "situations'" or "situation's"?
situations
day by day as the number of vehicles being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
rising
drastically
.
Moreover
, most of the private cars are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by the most affluent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the society for whom increasing the price of petrol, gas will not be a matter of concern.
Therefore
,
rather
than focusing on rising the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
merely
, concentration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to inventing eco-friendly transports which will consume less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
.
For example
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using
environmentally
friendly vehicles it is less likely to pollute the atmosphere as it is doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

Secondly
, the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason behind the environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Rapid industrialization without having proper city planning is
also
accelerating the issue at its worst.
Furthermore
, reckless dumping of waste of here and there due to lack of proper waste management is making the soil and air polluted
simultaneously
. In order to eradicate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, proper planning of industrialization and their waste management should
be established
.
Additionally
, serious measures need to
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
deforestation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Reduced
number of trees are the root cause of climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
For instance
, Amazon
was set
on fire recently, which considered as the lungs of the earth.

In conclusion
,
even though
the rising number of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
is detrimental to the environment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
resolving this issue will not bring us the required outcome. Focusing on inventing bio-friendly vehicles or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
, innovating structured industrial planning along with massive afforestation will assist us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of the environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay The best way to solve the world's environmental problems to increase the costs of fuels. Do agree or disagree? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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