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Higher education could be funded in three ways. All costs paid by government, all costs paid by students or students paying all costs through a government loan. What are the advantages of these choices? v.1

Higher education could be funded in three ways. All costs paid by government, all costs paid by students or students paying all costs through a government loan. What are the advantages of these choices? v. 1
Since university funding benefits both university students and society as a whole, both parties should bear some of the cost of university educations. University students gain both personal and economic benefits of attending university; however, society also benefits by having a more educated population. In addition, it is important that all members of society have the opportunity to attend university regardless of wealth. In this essay the various models of funding for university places will be discussed. There is little doubt that people who attend university usually benefit through higher salaries and greater opportunities. It is therefore reasonable that society expects students to make some contribution to the cost of their education. However, expecting students to fully fund their own education may cause students to avoid courses that lead to less well-paying jobs such as the sciences, nursing and teaching. Society as a whole also benefits from having a more educated community and should support people who make an effort to become educated. It is therefore reasonable that governments also provide money for university places, particularly when the price of doing a course or the return of students discourages them from completing a course that is needed by society. The funding model that is used for university placements is also very important as governments have a responsibility to provide an opportunity for all members of society to attend university. Deferred repayment of fees through low cost loans and the partial subsidising of university courses by the government are effective methods of ensuring fairer access to university education since they allow people to pay for their education when they are better able to afford to. In summary, university education benefits both individuals and society and both governments and individuals who receive a university education should make a contribution to the costs of tertiary education. In addition, it is important that appropriate loan schemes are in place to ensure that access to university is available to all members of society.
Since
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university
funding
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benefits
both
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university
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students
and
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society
as a whole, both parties should bear
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
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cost
of
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university
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educations
.
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University
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students
gain both personal and economic
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benefits
of attending
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university
;
however
,
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society
also
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benefits
by having a more educated population.
In addition
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that all members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
have the opportunity to attend
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university
regardless of wealth. In this essay the various models of funding for
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university
places will
be discussed
.

There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
doubt that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who attend
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university
usually
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benefit
through higher salaries and greater opportunities. It is
therefore
reasonable that
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society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expects
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students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
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some
contribution to the
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cost
of their
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education
.
However
, expecting
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students
to
fully
fund their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
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education
may cause
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students
to avoid
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courses
that lead to less well-paying jobs such as the sciences, nursing and teaching.
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Society
as a whole
also
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benefits
from having a more educated community and should support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to become educated. It is
therefore
reasonable that
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governments
also
provide money for
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university
places,
particularly
when the price of doing a
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course
or the return of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
discourages them from completing a
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course
that
is needed
by society.

The funding model
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
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university
placements is
also
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very
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important
as
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governments
have a responsibility to provide an opportunity for all members of
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society
to attend
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university
. Deferred repayment of fees through low
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cost
loans and the partial
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidising' is British English.
subsidising
of
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university
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courses
by the
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government
are effective methods of ensuring fairer access to
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university
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education
since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to pay for their
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education
when they are better able to afford to.

In summary,
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university
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education
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benefits
both individuals and
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society
and both
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governments
and individuals who receive a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a contribution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
of tertiary
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education
.
In addition
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that appropriate loan schemes are in place to ensure that access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is available to all members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Higher education could be funded in three ways. All costs paid by government, all costs paid by students or students paying all costs through a government loan. What are the advantages of these choices? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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