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The best way to improve the quality of education at a university is to increase salaries of teachers. v.2

The best way to improve the quality of education at a university is to increase salaries of teachers. v. 2
Almost every university agrees that quality of education must be improved for them to attract students and stand on top. In my opinion, one of the best ways to strengthen quality in education is to improve incentives of teachers. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, high amount of salary keeps the teachers confident in class lectures and frees from financial difficulties, which are the two things that tutors often struggle with. If they do struggle, they cannot deliver quality content to the students. Looking at the past few decades, the price of common commodities has got to its peak. Not only teachers, but also individuals with other various professions often find difficulties in financial matters. My own experience is a compelling example of this. After finishing my undergraduate degree, I started mentoring mathematics in high school as a full time teacher. However, due to low salary amount, I used to feel discouraged and upset. On top of that, I had to pay for my rent, water and electricity bills which were really high. As a result, I ended up having a part time job at the evening. I started losing focus on my subject and I was not confident enough in class due to a lot of stress. I could not perform as I committed to my students. However, when my salary was increased in subsequent years, I did not continue my part time job and really started focusing on my students. As a result, students progressed a lot in my class compared to previous years. Secondly, teachers can manage printed notes and supplementary study materials, with which students can have more learning opportunities. For a quality education, relying on a single textbook is not enough. On other hand, students usually do not buy many textbooks and study materials for a single subject. If teacher can manage printed notes collected from many different sources, it can turn out to be an asset for students. As I said above, when my salaries were low, I faced a lot of financial difficulties and I couldn’t manage printed notes for students. When my salary was increased, not only I was able to solve my problems and feel confident, but also was able to collect contents from various sources, and print them as handouts for students. As a result, students were highly motivated and they started scoring really well in exams. In conclusion, I strongly believe that for a quality education, salaries of teachers must be increased. This is because with high salary, teachers are motivated enough for confident and quality lectures and can manage printed handouts for the students.
Almost every university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
for them to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and stand on top. In my opinion, one of the best ways to strengthen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
incentives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confident
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
lectures and frees from financial difficulties, which are the two things that tutors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
struggle with. If they do struggle, they cannot deliver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
content to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Looking at the past few decades, the price of common commodities has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to its peak. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
individuals with other various professions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find difficulties in financial matters. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a compelling example of this. After finishing my undergraduate degree, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
mentoring mathematics in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school as a full time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
.
However
, due to low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
amount, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to feel discouraged and upset.
On top of that
, I had to pay for my rent, water and electricity bills which were
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
.
As a result
, I ended up having a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job
The usual collocation for "evening" is "in". Revise: "in the evening".
at the evening
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
losing focus on my
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
subject and
I was not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confident
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. I could not perform as I committed to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, when my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
was increased
in subsequent years, I did not continue my
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job and
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
focusing on my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
progressed a lot in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
compared to previous years.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
notes and supplementary study materials, with which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can have more learning opportunities. For a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, relying on a single textbook is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. On other hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
usually
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
textbooks and study materials for a single subject. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
notes collected from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sources, it can turn out to be an asset for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. As I said above, when my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
were low, I faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
financial difficulties and I couldn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
notes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. When my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
was increased
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
I was able to solve my problems and feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confident
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
was able to collect contents from various sources, and print them as handouts for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were
highly
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
motivated and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
scoring
really
well in exams.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be increased
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are motivated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confident
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
lectures and can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
handouts for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
57Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The best way to improve the quality of education at a university is to increase salaries of teachers. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
449 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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