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The below graph illustrates the various roadblocks that entrepreneurs face while opening their own company. v.1

The below graph illustrates the various roadblocks that entrepreneurs face while opening their own company. v. 1
It is important to consider that playing video games is good for young children, but too much involvement is harmful for health. In this essay, I will discuss what could be the merits and demerits of playing video games. On the one hand, playstation games are very famous and plays an important role for growing children to develop their brain faster. As a result, this could boost the awareness for all kinds of situations. For example, games related to surviving in the jungle could be a life saver for him in his adult age. There are few games such as Sudoku which helps in brainstorming. Parents should arrange small group tournaments to play games in multiplayer. Multiplayer games are very popular in canada. On the other hand, playing too much games put their child into an addiction which is a very crucial phase for parents. This could lead to a situation where he does not focus on his study and it could result into poor academic statistics. Physical fitness is as equal as studies. For example, if their son does not focus on fitness which includes outdoor activities, then it could put him into obese condition. Parents should balance all of the tasks of their child. In summary, we discussed all possible good and bad of computer games. Nowadays, video games are very popular amongst children, but parents should take care of balancing all of the activities of their child. Everything should be balanced if you want to enjoy it.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider that playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for young children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
too much involvement is harmful for health. In this essay, I will discuss what could be the merits and demerits of playing video games.

On the one hand,
Possible spelling mistake found.
playstation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role for growing children to develop their brain faster.
As a result
, this could boost the awareness for all kinds of situations.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
related to surviving in the jungle could be a life saver for him in his adult age. There are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as Sudoku which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in brainstorming.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should arrange
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
group tournaments to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in multiplayer. Multiplayer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular in
Possible spelling mistake found.
canada
.

On the other hand
, playing too
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
put their child into an addiction which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial phase for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This could lead to a situation where he does not focus on his study and it could result into poor academic statistics. Physical fitness is as equal as studies.
For example
, if their son does not focus on fitness which includes outdoor activities, then it could put him into obese condition.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should balance
Consider using "all the".
all of the
tasks of their child.

In summary, we discussed all possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Nowadays, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular amongst children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take care of balancing
Consider using "all the".
all of the
activities of their child. Everything should
be balanced
if you want to enjoy it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The below graph illustrates the various roadblocks that entrepreneurs face while opening their own company. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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