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The Bar graph below shows the Expenditure in Million Pounds on fast food items by income groups in the UK v.1

The Bar graph below shows the Expenditure in Million Pounds on fast food items by income groups in the UK v. 1
It is often believed by a few sections of society that the younger generation would be impacted if senior citizens are allowed to work at their old age. Although this might be a prevalent conviction among some people, my perspective is that, letting aged people work after 60 years of age will not pose any problems for the younger workforce. This essay will decipher various reasons for my standpoint. Firstly, aging significantly affects the cognitive abilities, analytical skills and reasoning capacity of human beings. In other words, the brain functionality of a person may slow down and this may directly result in poor productivity at work. To instantiate, in a recent study, it was found that humans are more susceptible to brain damage and nervous disorders after the age of 60 which marks the decline in exceptional performances in their field of work rate. This may not be the case with youths as they are considered to be adept at productive work. Therefore, letting senior work after a certain age will not affect the younger people as the former cannot be considered as a threat to the more capable younger working class. Secondly, elderly people find it arduous to quickly learn new technology. This is because the previous century as opposed to the current century, never experienced the fast pace of evolving business, so this provided no opportunity for the workers during that time to adapt to the changes. For instance, in many organizations, when applications that work on older technology is decommissioned, older employees face difficulty in swiftly comprehend and are more sensitive to changes. However, the younger working class has always shown positive involvement in these variations which makes them more preferable employability. Hence, allowing elderly people to work cannot pose any problems for the younger generation. To recapitulate, due to various age-related challenges such as declining health, slower learning and poor adapting skills, I believe that the presence of older people in the job market will not offer any challenge to the prospects of the younger generation. Therefore, older people, if allowed to work after 60 years of age, would not cause problems for the younger age group.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed by a few sections of society that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation would
be impacted
if senior citizens are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. Although this might be a prevalent conviction among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, my perspective is that, letting aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after 60 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
will not pose any problems for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
workforce. This essay will decipher various reasons for my standpoint.

Firstly
, aging
significantly
affects the cognitive abilities, analytical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and reasoning capacity of human beings.
In other words
, the brain functionality of a person may slow down and this may
directly
result in poor productivity at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. To instantiate, in a recent study, it
was found
that humans are more susceptible to brain damage and nervous disorders after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 which marks the decline in exceptional performances in their field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
rate. This may not be the case with youths as they
are considered
to be adept at productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Therefore
, letting senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
will not affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as the former cannot
be considered
as a threat to the more capable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

Secondly
, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it arduous to
quickly
learn new technology. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the previous century as opposed to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
century, never experienced the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace of evolving business,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this provided no opportunity for the workers during that time to adapt to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations, when applications that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
technology
is decommissioned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
employees face difficulty in
swiftly
comprehend and are more sensitive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
has always shown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
involvement in these variations which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more preferable employability.
Hence
, allowing elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
cannot pose any problems for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation.

To recapitulate, due to various age-related challenges such as declining health, slower learning and poor adapting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, I believe that the presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the job market will not offer any challenge to the prospects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after 60 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, would not cause problems for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The Bar graph below shows the Expenditure in Million Pounds on fast food items by income groups in the UK v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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