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The bar chart illustrates the frequency with which Americans ate in fast food establishments from 2003 to 2013. v.1

The bar chart illustrates the frequency with which Americans ate in fast food establishments from 2003 to 2013. v. 1
Nowadays, challenging ambitions and inspirations has promoted an increasing trend of running own business. This means that in many cases, young people try to test their skills and wish to risk fulfilling their dreams. In all likelihood, this phenomenon will be more common and widespread. I strongly believe that different drawbacks and pros are hidden in this trend, and in this essay, I will try to better investigate them and suggest some food for thought. On one hand, the main advantage is that you are completely free, and you do not have a boss who breathes down on your neck. That is to say that you can make decisions or plans without any kind of supervision. On the other hand, many drawbacks can rise up if you are not well prepared. Running own business means to own all responsibilities behind any choice and therefore to make many sacrifices to make everything working on. You need to have an entrepreneur spirit in order to face with all kinds of problems and also to be very smart in trying to solve them. Secondly, this process requires a lot of efforts and is really risky and dangerous. Every aspect of your life is involved in your own business and consequently you need to consider the idea to lose your free time for a while. To sum up, running own business required a lot of skills, ambitions, ideas to achieve personal goals and of course, also sacrifices should be included. In my opinion surely all pains would be rewarded, but personal costs and stress also needed to evaluate before the start.
Nowadays, challenging ambitions and inspirations has promoted an increasing trend of running
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. This means that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
fulfilling their dreams. In all likelihood, this phenomenon will be more common and widespread. I
strongly
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
drawbacks and pros
are hidden
in this trend, and in this essay, I will try to better investigate them and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
food for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.

On one hand, the main advantage is that you are completely free, and you do not have a boss who breathes down on your neck.
That is
to say that you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions or plans without any kind of supervision.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks can rise up if you are not
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well prepared
. Running
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
means to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
all responsibilities behind any choice and
therefore
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sacrifices to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
everything working on. You need to have an entrepreneur spirit in order to face with all kinds of problems and
also
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
smart in trying to solve them.

Secondly
, this process requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
efforts and is
really
risky and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
. Every aspect of your life
is involved
in your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and
consequently
you need to consider the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to lose your free time for a while.

To sum up, running
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, ambitions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to achieve personal goals and
of course
,
also
sacrifices should
be included
. In my opinion
surely
all pains would
be rewarded
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
personal costs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
also
needed to evaluate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar chart illustrates the frequency with which Americans ate in fast food establishments from 2003 to 2013. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
267 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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