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The chart below shows the value of one country s exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016 The table show the percentage change in each category of export in 2016 compared with 2015 v.1

The chart below shows the value of one country s exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016 The table show the percentage change in each category of export in 2016 compared with 2015 v. 1
Nowadays, the number of cars in the world has increased dramatically. During the last 30 years, many people bought their own car, thus, in the cities, there is a new important problem: the traffic jam. This essay will explain how much is real this issue and how the governments can influence the people convincing them to decrease the use of cars. First of all, in big cities, movement with cars is becoming really slowly. During specific hours, when population go and come back to work or school, it is reported that the traffic jam is 10 times more than in normal hours. In my city, for example, some people believe that the only way they can arrive at work on time is to bike even if they have to risk their life everyday because there are not enough paths reserved for biking. According to a recent survey, people consider that governments have a crucial role in this issue. For instance, one method to solve the problem is through the introduction of new bike paths and giving incentives for electric bikes. Replacing part of the streets with bike paths can encourage people to use the bike. After this introduction of paths, the bike will be considered as the best method to move because it is fast and secure. Moreover, the incentives could be helpful because the people will have more motivation to spend money in electric bike which can be used for long distances. In conclusion, the increasing of cars is a real problem which can provoke a lot of negative consequences but thanks to the help of governments it will be possible to encourage people to switch from the car to different type of transportation, such as bike.
Nowadays, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in the world has increased
dramatically
. During the last 30 years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
,
thus
, in the cities, there is a new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
problem: the traffic jam. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how much is real this issue and how the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can influence the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
convincing them to decrease the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cars.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities, movement with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is becoming
really
slowly
. During specific hours, when population go and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to work or school, it
is reported
that the traffic jam is 10 times more than in normal hours. In my city,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way they can arrive at work on time is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bike
even if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paths
reserved for biking.

According to a recent survey,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have a crucial role in this issue.
For instance
, one method to solve the problem is through the introduction of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paths
and giving incentives for electric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bikes
. Replacing part of the streets with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paths
can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bike
. After this introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paths
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bike
will
be considered
as the best method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and secure.
Moreover
, the incentives could be helpful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have more motivation to spend money in electric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bike
which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for long distances.

In conclusion
, the increasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is a real problem which can provoke
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
thanks to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
it will be possible to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to switch from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of transportation, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bike
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below shows the value of one country s exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016 The table show the percentage change in each category of export in 2016 compared with 2015 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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