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The bar chart below shows the passenger kilometers travelled by different means of transport in the UK in 1990 and 2000. v.1

The bar chart below shows the passenger kilometers travelled by different means of transport in the UK in 1990 and 2000. v. 1
Recruiters often request for the applicants personal details. While certain people are of the opinion that the information is necessary in evaluating the candidate, while others do not. This passage will discuss both the views and provide a basis as to why this information is relevant. Firstly, every employment application would require details about the person's education, experience and skill set. In addition, some employers might request for some personal details which would help them in deciding the candidate suitability for the role. For example, some jobs might require extensive travelling, and for a person who travels to new places during his leisure time can be considered suitable for the role. Further, certain married people with family and kids might not be interested in moving to a different location for work if required. By requesting certain basis personal information will help the employers to shortlist or narrow down the number of candidates who applied for a particular job. Do the personal details really matter? There are certain types of roles which mainly focus on the employee leadership skills and their ability to handle critical situations. For example, where a company is looking to hire a CEO or a CFO which is a management role, the focus will be mainly on the individual's ability to handle the situation and any relevant experience where they were able to demonstrate the skill set rather than on the personal details. To conclude, it is important to note that personal details might nor be relevant for all types of employments. Accordingly employers should mainly focus on the role being offered and consider requesting the information only if they believe it would be beneficial in evaluating the candidate's suitability for the job.
Recruiters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
request for the applicants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is necessary in evaluating the candidate, while others do not. This passage will discuss both the views and provide a basis as to why this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is relevant.

Firstly
, every employment application would require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
about the person's education, experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
request for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in deciding the candidate suitability for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
require extensive travelling, and for a person who travels to new places during his leisure time can
be considered
suitable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
.
Further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
married
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with family and kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not
be interested
in moving to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
location for work if required. By requesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
basis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the employers to shortlist or narrow down the number of candidates who applied for a particular job.

Do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
really
matter? There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
which
mainly
focus on the employee leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and their ability to handle critical situations.
For example
, where a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is looking to hire a CEO or a CFO which is a management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
, the focus will be
mainly
on the individual's ability to handle the situation and any relevant experience where they were able to demonstrate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set
rather
than on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to note that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
nor be relevant for all types of employments.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Accordingly
employers should
mainly
focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
being offered
and consider requesting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if they believe it would be beneficial in evaluating the candidate's suitability for the job.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar chart below shows the passenger kilometers travelled by different means of transport in the UK in 1990 and 2000. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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