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Some people think that all universities students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views v.1

Some people think that all universities students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. 1
In the present era, most of the primary and tertiary schools give importance to art subjects as well as stem subjects. Some people think that every subject, whether it is related to arts classes like painting and drawing or curriculum subjects which includes science, maths and social science are equally important for the development of the children's. It is disagreed that art classes are as important as other subjects because basic subjects are needed for improving the intellectual level of student and it is accepted for getting the reputed jobs too. The first and the foremost reason is that art classes do not provide valuable knowledge to the child, which can be only provided by the stem subjects. To make it more clear, the basic concept of these subjects is the base for the higher studies, and this helps them to get higher grades in academic studies. For instance, a recent data collected from the schools revealed that the student who has greater knowledge of other subjects are able to perform well in the art subjects too because some mathematical equations and science concepts used in it. Therefore, this makes it clear that school subjects are more important than art subject. Secondly, the knowledge of other subjects opens job opportunities more as compared to the art subjects. As, most of the companies need basic idea related to core subjects. Art subjects should be included in the school curriculum as a part of the option. For example, an article published in the newspaper clears that artistic people are struggling for a livelihood. Thus, this is apparent that art subject has less importance as compared to stem subjects. In conclusion, basic knowledge and more job opportunities are the main factors which make others subject more important in a person’s life as compared to art classes. Therefore, major subjects should be focused more as compared to the minor subjects in the high schools. I completely disagree with the thought of giving importance to the art classes in comparison to important subjects in the school due to above said reasons.
In the present era, most of the primary and tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
give importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as well
as stem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, whether it
is related
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "art".
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
like painting and drawing or curriculum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which includes science,
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and social science are
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for the development of the children's. It
is disagreed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
are as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are needed
for improving the intellectual level of student and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
for getting the reputed jobs too.

The
first
and the foremost reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
do not provide valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
to the child, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provided by the stem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
concept of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is the base for the higher studies, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher grades in academic studies.
For instance
, a recent data collected from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
revealed that the student who has greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are able to perform well in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mathematical equations and science concepts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in it.
Therefore
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
subject.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
opens job opportunities more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
related to core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be included
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum as a part of the option.
For example
, an article published in the newspaper clears that artistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are struggling for a livelihood.
Thus
, this is apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
has less importance as compared to stem subjects.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and more job opportunities are the main factors which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in a person’s life as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
Therefore
, major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be focused
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to the minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. I completely disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of giving importance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
in comparison
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
due to above said reasons.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that all universities students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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