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The average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.23

The average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? v. 23
It is often argued that the health conditions of a person will gradually degrade in the coming years. I tend to agree with this statement, because people are majorly relying on outside food and our air is too polluted for us to breathe it. Due to the increase in competition between various sections of the society, most people are under tremendous job pressure and can hardly take out time to cook food at home. Moreover, with easy access to various online food ordering options, many people like to order unhealthy and oily food as per their choice and this could adversely affect their health. For example, the famous home delivery option, Pizza Hut is open 24 hours and promises to deliver food in just 30 minutes. Such facilities attract the working population. Even if people decide to cook at home, the fruits and vegetables sold in the markets are laced with pesticides. As a result, many people are prone to developing health issues such as obesity and high cholesterol level. Environmental degradation is another factor that affects the health of people. Our environment is seriously polluted by the emission of poisonous gases from factories or from vehicles. Hence, the air we breathe is highly polluted and can affect various parts of the body, because, in the process of breathing contaminated oxygen is supplied to all organs of the human body, exposing them to serious organ failures. For example, according to a recent study conducted in India by expert environmentalists, 70% of the population have traces of carbon monoxide in their body, which can lead to several serious breathing ailments. To conclude, it is rightly said that in the coming years, most people will not be able to sustain an average healthy life. As explained above the reasons for this could be pollution and unhealthy lifestyle of people.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions of a person will
gradually
degrade in the coming years. I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
majorly
relying on outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and our air is too polluted for us to breathe it.

Due to the increase in competition between various sections of the society, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are under tremendous job pressure and can hardly take out time to cook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home.
Moreover
, with easy access to various online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
ordering options,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to order unhealthy and oily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as per their choice and this could
adversely
affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For example
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
home delivery option, Pizza Hut is open 24 hours and promises to deliver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
30 minutes. Such facilities attract the working population. Even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to cook at home, the fruits and vegetables sold in the markets
are laced
with pesticides.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are prone to developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues such as obesity and high cholesterol level.

Environmental degradation is another factor that affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Our environment is
seriously
polluted by the emission of poisonous gases from factories or from vehicles.
Hence
, the air we breathe is
highly
polluted and can affect various parts of the body,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in the process of breathing contaminated oxygen
is supplied
to all organs of the human body, exposing them to serious organ failures.
For example
, according to a recent study conducted in India by expert environmentalists, 70% of the population have traces of carbon monoxide in their body, which can lead to several serious breathing ailments.

To conclude
, it is
rightly
said that in the coming years, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not be able to sustain an average healthy life. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
above the reasons for this could be pollution and unhealthy lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay The average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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