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The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.20

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? v. 20
Many believe that in the future, the average quality of people's health is projected to go downhill. In my opinion, I disagree that the standard health of the humans will be lower, but instead will go higher, because of the effects of the technological advances to the individuals. A good reason why people's health standard will increase is because many are now more knowledgeable about their health compared to the past, since internet technology was invented. This is because, through internet access, people can now gather information about improving their well-being in an instant. For instance, a lot who is wanting to find the appropriate exercise and diet for losing weight can now be found via Google, an internet search engine. As a result, more and more people are becoming health conscious, thus, increasing their chance to a healthier state. Another point to consider is that modern medicinal therapies are now utilized to assist individuals with their health conditions. In other words, people now have a better chance to survive illnesses that decline their overall wellness. An example would be chemotherapy, which is used to treat cancer. This regimen has been very effective and a great aid in cancer treatment and in decreasing risk of recurrence; thus, helping people get back on their daily living, reaching their full potential as they grow older. In conclusion, people's quality of health will not deteriorate in future time due to the beneficial effect of the technology today. For the next generations, more people should utilize these technological benefits to ensure that higher state of well-being is reached.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that in the future, the average quality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is projected
to go downhill. In my opinion, I disagree that the standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the humans will be
Did you mean "lowed", "lowered"?
lower
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
will go higher,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the effects of the technological advances to the individuals.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
standard will increase is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
more knowledgeable about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
compared to the past, since internet technology
was invented
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, through internet access,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
gather information about improving their well-being in an instant.
For instance
, a lot who
The verb 'wanting' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is wanting
to find the appropriate exercise and diet for losing weight can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
be found
via Google, an internet search engine.
As a result
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conscious,
thus
, increasing their chance to a healthier state.

Another point to consider is that modern medicinal therapies are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
utilized to assist individuals with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
have a better chance to survive illnesses that decline their
overall
wellness. An example would be chemotherapy, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to treat cancer. This regimen has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective and a great aid in cancer treatment and in decreasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of recurrence;
thus
, helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back on their daily living, reaching their full potential as they grow older.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will not deteriorate in future time due to the beneficial effect of the technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. For the
next
generations, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should utilize these technological benefits to ensure that higher state of well-being
is reached
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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