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Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by governments rather than private companies. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by governments rather than private companies. v. 1
Whether scientific research investigates through governments or private institutions are a controversial issue. Personally, I, completely, agree that both authorities of governments and private companies should propel the research of science. First and foremost, it is true that if governments take care all the ins and outs of the investigation of the world of science, the human being will be benefited in many ways. Firstly, if governments conduct medical science to develop the best vaccines against potential epidemics, the fatal diseases would reduce. Secondly, investigation of renewable energy is necessary to control by the authority, because conducting scientific investigation through the administration of a country would think as more reliable and ethical, compared to a private institution. For example, studies have shown that governments who consider as trustworthy officials, are investigating on solar power for avoiding criminals who might spread corruption which enhances social anarchy. On the contrary, private organizations have some qualities to take scientific research a bit further. For instance, the great innovation of the iPhone by Apple, a US based institution, who changed the scenario of communication and made it possible to bring smart phone at the hand of common people. The other advantage of scientific research through profit-based companies is that they would intend to create better products and also make a competitive market. The society, therefore, will get privilege of new and a better product and services. In conclusion, although the officials of the whole world have the responsibility to investigate the scientific investigation, in my opinion, it is a good idea to give the chance to private companies to invest their money on scientific discoveries.
Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
investigates through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
institutions are a controversial issue.
Personally
, I, completely,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that both authorities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should propel the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
of science.

First
and foremost, it is true that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
take care all the ins and outs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investigation
of the world of science, the human being will
be benefited
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
Firstly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
conduct medical science to develop the best vaccines against potential epidemics, the fatal diseases would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investigation
of renewable energy is necessary to control by the authority,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
conducting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investigation
through the administration of a country would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
as more reliable and ethical, compared to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
institution.
For example
, studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
who consider as trustworthy officials, are investigating on solar power for avoiding criminals who might spread corruption which enhances social anarchy.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
organizations have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
qualities to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
a bit
further
.
For instance
, the great innovation of the iPhone by Apple, a US based institution, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the scenario of communication and made it possible to bring smart phone at the hand of common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The other advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
through profit-based
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
is that they would intend to create better products and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a competitive market. The society,
therefore
, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
privilege of new and a better product and services.

In conclusion
, although the officials of the whole world have the responsibility to investigate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investigation
, in my opinion, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to give the chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to invest their money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
discoveries.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by governments rather than private companies. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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