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The 18th century due to industrialization a lot of people migrate to developed countries. This affected lifestyle and increased major problems in developed countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The 18th century due to industrialization a lot of people migrate to developed countries. This affected lifestyle and increased major problems in developed countries. v. 1
Gone are those days, when the goodwill of a person was judged from the honesty, nature, kindness etc. In today's world the financial position matters the most and is a kind of benchmark to understand the status. Lavish house, luxurious car, bank-balance matters more than the benevolence of a human. I completely disagree with these new parameters of analysing the decency. It is common that when a folk becomes rich, arrogance comes in the nature of that individual. Unwillingly, the behaviour changes and it gets reflected in the actions. As per the recent survey of "The Times", 80% of the wealthy class has not helped anyone because of humanity, they admitted that they helped only if, they get something in return. But unfortunately, these characteristics give more weightage than the most important thing moral character. When a being morally understands the problem of others, he becomes closer to the God. God definitely helps that individual further to grow and succeed in life. In ancient times, the kindness, good heart were the checklist to determine the rank in society. For instance, late Mother Teresa was not wealthy, but a human of golden heart, it was proven in her dedication and work towards the upliftment of everyone around her. People still respect and remember her for all these positive qualities of her. One of the reasons for this change of thought, could be affect of the western culture. Youngsters are blindly following it, and completely ignoring the rich ancient culture. Young generation is not at all interested in reading the holy books, which helps to germinate positive attitude seeds. In conclusion, it is high time for all of us to understand the meaning of life. We must admit that the physical property could be achieved anytime in life by working hard. But, it is very essential to incorporate good habits, as it is too difficult to get rid of them and come back on the correct path.
Gone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
those days, when the goodwill of a person
was judged
from the honesty, nature, kindness etc. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world the financial position matters the most and is a kind of benchmark to understand the status. Lavish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, luxurious car, bank-balance matters more than the benevolence of a human. I completely disagree with these new parameters of
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the decency.

It is common that when a folk becomes rich, arrogance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in the nature of that individual.
Unwillingly
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
reflected in the actions. As per the recent survey of
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
The Times
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, 80% of the wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
anyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of humanity, they admitted that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
something in return.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
unfortunately, these characteristics give more weightage than the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing moral character. When a being
morally
understands the problem of others, he becomes closer to the God. God definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
that individual
further
to grow and succeed in life. In ancient times, the kindness,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
heart were the checklist to determine the rank in society.
For instance
, late Mother Teresa was not wealthy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a human of golden heart, it
was proven
in her dedication and work towards the
Possible spelling mistake found.
upliftment
of everyone around her.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
still
respect and remember her for all these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
qualities of her.

One of the reasons for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, could be affect of the western culture. Youngsters are
blindly
following it, and completely ignoring the rich ancient culture. Young generation is not at all interested in reading the holy books, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to germinate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude seeds.

In conclusion
, it is high time for all of us to understand the meaning of life. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
admit that the physical property could
be achieved
anytime in life by working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential to incorporate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits, as it is too difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back on the correct path.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The 18th century due to industrialization a lot of people migrate to developed countries. This affected lifestyle and increased major problems in developed countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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