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Describe a festival that you enjoy. You should saywhen the festival occurswhere it occurswhat happens during it. and explain why you enjoy the festival. v.1

Describe a festival that you enjoy. You should saywhen the festival occurswhere it occurswhat happens during it. and explain why you enjoy the festival. v. 1
People are influenced by the information delivered by news media in both positive and negative ways. In fact, I totally agree that the inclination of the media to pay attention to negativities such as current issues and emergencies rather than favourable news has detrimental effects on people and the whole society as it will make individuals feel pessimistic about the current situation and put wrong ideas in people's mind. The trend of focusing on problems negatively affect the individuals' perception of the society. Although some people argue that information about current issues and emergencies is necessary in order to raise awareness and avoid any dangers, it is harmful because people get scared and become pessimistic about the future of the world. In fact, many people complain that the routine consumption of news media causes stress and depression. If news media deliver mainly negative news, people will feel more depressed and eventually may become hopeless about the future of the world. Another point to consider is that mass media may cause misunderstanding among consumers by deliberately exaggerating issues. A good illustration of this is when people think that Muslim people are scary, and the religion is related to terrorism. Especially after the September 11 attack, world media reports have been repeatedly informed of Islamic terrorism, and this certainly contributed to the stigmatisation against Muslims. If one-sided information is consistently delivered to the public, individuals will think that the information is believable even though the stories may be fabricated. Thus, this is considered to be detrimental to both individuals and the society as a whole. In conclusion, I completely agree that the tendency of the media focusing on problems and emergencies is detrimental to people and the society as a whole owing to the psychological effect and possible misunderstanding of the information, which may affect people's thought and attitude. Therefore, the media should focus more on positive news so that the betterment of the society is promoted.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are influenced
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
delivered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
in both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ways. In fact, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the inclination of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to pay attention to negativities such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
issues and emergencies
rather
than
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
has detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
individuals feel pessimistic about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation and put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mind.

The trend of focusing on problems
negatively
affect the individuals' perception of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
issues and emergencies is necessary in order to raise awareness and avoid any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
, it is harmful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
scared and become pessimistic about the future of the world. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
complain that the routine consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
causes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
deliver
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will feel more depressed and
eventually
may become hopeless about the future of the world.

Another point to consider is that mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
may cause misunderstanding among consumers by
deliberately
exaggerating issues. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that Muslim
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are scary, and the religion
is related
to terrorism.
Especially
after the September 11 attack, world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
reports have been
repeatedly
informed of Islamic terrorism, and this
certainly
contributed to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'stigmatisation' is British English.
stigmatisation
against Muslims. If one-sided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
consistently
delivered to the public, individuals will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is believable
even though
the stories may
be fabricated
.
Thus
, this
is considered
to be detrimental to both individuals and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a whole.

In conclusion
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the tendency of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
focusing on problems and emergencies is detrimental to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a whole owing to the psychological effect and possible misunderstanding of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, which may affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
and attitude.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should focus more on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the betterment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is promoted
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a festival that you enjoy. You should saywhen the festival occurswhere it occurswhat happens during it. and explain why you enjoy the festival. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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