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1208 second Describe a gift you gave to someoneYou should sayWhat the gift wasWho you gave it toWhy you gave itAnd explain whether this person liked the gift or not v.1

1208 second Describe a gift you gave to someoneYou should sayWhat the gift wasWho you gave it toWhy you gave itAnd explain whether this person liked the gift or not v. 1
Online shopping has become more popular than ever before in recent years. This trend may have positive impacts on the environment and employee patterns in the short run and may have more harm than good in the long run. On the one hand, the popularity of online shopping can reduce the number of car journeys to physical stores and the amount of greenhouse emissions. For instance, the truck is able to carry large amount of goods so if we use private cars, the emission will be emitted into the atmosphere. However the convenience of online shopping online in the long run has own benefits and drawbacks. The people must be encouraged to consume more since it’s no time-consuming for the customers to travel to buy the specific things at each shop. Online shopping has become more popular, so the vehicle will be increased dramatically. People consume more, so a huge number or waste is being emitted. On the other hand, online shopping also creates various new employment opportunities. The unemployment people can learn how to use the internet to sell the product online. It’s a good idea for decreasing the rate of joblessness people in a short term. In the long run, in a modern process of selling, which might lead to the bankrupt of many traditional retailers, the proportion of people would face with the unemployment. Whereas, the number of unemployment people is more than the newly opened jobs, so the rate of that will also have significant increase. To conclude, in my opinion online shopping helps the residents’ life become more and more convenient, but also a substantial drawback that would be caused.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become more popular than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
in recent years. This trend may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on the environment and employee patterns in the short run and may have more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in the long run.

On the one hand, the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of car journeys to physical stores and the amount of greenhouse emissions.
For instance
, the truck is able to carry large amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
private cars, the emission will
be emitted
into the atmosphere.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the convenience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
in the long run has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits and drawbacks. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be encouraged
to consume more since it’s
Did you mean "not" or "now"?
no
time-consuming for the customers to travel to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the specific things at each shop.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become more popular,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the vehicle will
be increased
dramatically
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
consume more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
a huge number or waste is
being emitted
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
also
creates various new employment opportunities. The unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet to sell the product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. It’s a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for decreasing the rate of joblessness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a short term. In the long run, in a modern process of selling, which might lead to the bankrupt of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
traditional retailers, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would face with the unemployment. Whereas, the number of unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
more than the
newly
opened jobs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the rate of that will
also
have significant increase.

To conclude
, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the residents’ life become more and more convenient,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a substantial drawback that would
be caused
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay 1208 second Describe a gift you gave to someoneYou should sayWhat the gift wasWho you gave it toWhy you gave itAnd explain whether this person liked the gift or not v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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