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Television Sporting shows such as the Olympics motivate the youth who do not like to exercise much. Do you agree or disagree? Include relevant examples in your answer and provide your own opinion. v.4

Television Sporting shows such as the Olympics motivate the youth who do not like to exercise much. Include relevant examples in your answer and provide your own opinion. v. 4
Nowadays, sports shows attract many viewers. It is believed that games telecasts on TV brings enthusiasm towards exercise among young people who do not like doing physical activity. I disagree with this notion. Individual interests and the message driven by sports are the cardinal reasons which will be analysed in the before an opinion is drawn in subsequent paragraphs. Firstly, there are multifarious sports channels are available worldwide such as Star sports, Ten sports and ESPN. This is not always the case, these channels target people who dislike physical jerks. In other words, these sports programmes are more likely to entice individuals those already have an interest in doing exertion or playing outdoor games. For example, study by sports authority of India, showed that 95% of the crowd watching a cricket match during IPL are the ones have a strong desire in playing cricket. Therefore, sports event failed to bring any interest in sports. Secondly, the athletic events fail to encourage the young generation on exercising because these events fail to convey the importance of workout. Generally, people who usually dislike exercising, are the ones who have a lack of awareness in doing workout in their health. Moreover, instead of motivating adolescents towards exercising, sports programme sometimes enables youngsters to adopt sedentary life. For instance, during the world cup match, most of the people being couch-potato, stick to one place, and keep watching match whole day continuously. Hence, sports do not drive any message to lethargic youth in order to foster to perform physical movement. To conclude, in my opinion, sports programmes may imbue laziness in teenagers rather than persuade them to exercise. In addition, an inactive group of people may overlook the sports tournaments owing to lack of interest in it.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
viewers. It
is believed
that games telecasts on TV brings enthusiasm towards exercise among young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not like doing physical activity. I disagree with this notion. Individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
and the message driven by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are the cardinal reasons which will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
an opinion
is drawn
in subsequent paragraphs.

Firstly
, there are multifarious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
channels are available worldwide such as Star
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, Ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and ESPN. This is not always the case, these channels target
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
dislike physical jerks.
In other words
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
are more likely to entice individuals those already have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in doing exertion or playing outdoor games.
For example
, study by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
authority of India,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 95% of the crowd watching a cricket match during
Possible spelling mistake found.
IPL
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
have a strong desire in playing cricket.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
failed to bring any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in sports.

Secondly
, the athletic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
fail to encourage the young generation on exercising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
fail to convey the importance of workout.
Generally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
usually
dislike exercising, are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a lack of awareness in doing workout in their health.
Moreover
,
instead
of motivating adolescents towards exercising,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
enables youngsters to adopt sedentary life.
For instance
, during the world cup match, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being couch-potato, stick to one place, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
watching match whole day
continuously
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
do not drive any message to lethargic youth in order to foster to perform physical movement.

To conclude
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
may imbue laziness in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
rather
than persuade them to exercise.
In addition
, an inactive group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may overlook the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
tournaments owing to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in it.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Television Sporting shows such as the Olympics motivate the youth who do not like to exercise much. Include relevant examples in your answer and provide your own opinion. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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