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Television Sporting shows such as the Olympics motivate the youth who do not like to exercise much. Do you agree or disagree?

Television Sporting shows such as the Olympics motivate the youth who do not like to exercise much. v. 5
One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is a colossal upsurge in stimulating youth for maintaining their health by watching such sporting events as the Olympics on televisions. There is a widespread worry that this will only lead to a myriad of concerns in one's life. In my opinion, this apprehension is warranted and merits serious considerations. There are a number of arguments in favour of my stance. The most preponderant one is that in order to prevent youth from myriad perilous disease, be it obesity, high blood pressure, cardiovascular attacks, or whatnot, the young generation should spend time on other physical activities rather than merely watching them on the television. Not only can children's participation in aesthetics make them more strong and healthy, thanks to pupils' actual involvement in sports events, but watching the Olympics on televisions can also make them more lethargy and dependent, as becoming a potato couch can alleviate people's overall productivity that can welcome more dangerous health issues in their life. Needless to say, all these demerits have a far-reaching impact on children's bodies, which can hamper their development. Another pivotal aspect of watching sports on television is that if viewers pay more than needed attention to such events, they will not only indulge in unlawful activities like bids and bets but also deteriorate their entire life through such unethical events. Besides, although these events are part of the entertainment, they create more anxiety and curiosity among the youth which can affect their mental well-being. Moreover, such events will become part of discrimination especially if participation teams are already enduring prejudice in their rival countries. Hence, it is apparent why many are against watching international sports on television. In view of the arguments outlined above, one can conclude that the drawbacks of worldwide sports in deviating youngsters' minds for doing good rather than bad is too dire to ignore.
One of the most conspicuous trends of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world is a colossal upsurge in stimulating youth for maintaining their health by watching such sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
as the Olympics on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
. There is a widespread worry that this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lead to a myriad of concerns in one's life. In my opinion, this apprehension
is warranted
and merits serious considerations. There are a number of arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of my stance. The most preponderant one is that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
youth from myriad perilous disease, be it obesity, high blood pressure, cardiovascular attacks, or whatnot, the young generation should spend time on other physical activities
rather
than
merely
watching them on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can children's participation in aesthetics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more strong and healthy, thanks to pupils' actual involvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
watching the Olympics on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more lethargy and dependent, as becoming a potato couch can alleviate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
overall
productivity that can welcome more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
health issues in their life. Needless to say, all these demerits have a far-reaching impact on children's bodies, which can hamper their development. Another pivotal aspect of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is that if viewers pay more than needed attention to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
indulge in unlawful activities like bids and bets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
deteriorate their entire life through such unethical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
Besides
, although these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are part of the entertainment, they create more anxiety and curiosity among the youth which can affect their mental well-being.
Moreover
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
will become part of discrimination
especially
if participation teams are already enduring prejudice in their rival countries.
Hence
, it is apparent why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are against watching international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on television.

In view of the arguments outlined above, one can conclude that the drawbacks of worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in deviating youngsters' minds for doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
is too dire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
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The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Television Sporting shows such as the Olympics motivate the youth who do not like to exercise much.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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