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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be a good members of the society. Others, however believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be a good members of the society. Others, however believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 2
Some opine guardians should literate their offsprings about how to be an ideal citizen, whereas others think other places such as school, college and university are the perfect place to learn it. Although education plays a big role to become a good human by practicing discipline in the classroom and respecting teachers, I personally believe parents who make a nation proud by teaching their children about manners and mental development. On the one hand, youngsters learn about the timetables and how to obey the rules in their education. They receive these lessons from their teachers and older school mates which help them to become a good person in the future. For example, in the U. S. A there are some schools where ethical lessons are mandatory for a certain period of their student life. However, this is not true for all of the world, a few months ago, there was a killing in Bangladesh University of Engineering and Technology. In this incident all the students were mature and there was no regret while beating the victim. On the other hand, there are those who believe that family and friends are the principle educators. As Netaji Subhas Chanda Bosh says "Give me a literate mother, I will give a nation with prosperity". Parents play a key role in their offspring's development in the early childhood. A happy family produces a happy and healthy child. For instance, it has been found in many studies that children from a divorced family are more prone to involve in juvenile crime. On the contrary, youngsters become gracious, noble and honest when they grow up in a close-knit family. Moreover, it is very essential to develop a peaceful subconscious mind for the future and it is only possible from the relationship between father, mother and siblings. In conclusion, even though school, college and university provide lessons on how to be a law abiding individual for the community, it is the mother and father who teaches how to be a happy and good person life which help to build a peaceful society. It is predicted that in the future there will more family ties and people will learn how to be a better person for it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
opine guardians should literate their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
about how to be an ideal citizen, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
other places such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, college and university are the perfect place to learn it. Although education plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
human by practicing discipline in the classroom and respecting teachers, I
personally
believe parents who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a nation proud by teaching their children about manners and mental development.

On the one hand, youngsters learn about the timetables and how to obey the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in their education. They receive these lessons from their teachers and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
mates which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person in the future.
For example
, in the U. S. A there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
where ethical lessons are mandatory for a certain period of their student life.
However
, this is not true for
Consider using "all the".
all of the
world, a few months ago, there was a killing in Bangladesh University of Engineering and Technology. In this incident all the students were mature and there was no regret while beating the victim.

On the other hand
, there are those who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends are the principle educators. As
Possible spelling mistake found.
Netaji
Possible spelling mistake found.
Subhas
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chanda
Bosh says
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Give me a literate mother, I will give a nation with prosperity
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. Parents play a key role in their offspring's development in the early childhood. A happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
produces a happy and healthy child.
For instance
, it has
been found
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies that children from a divorced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are more prone to involve in juvenile crime.
On the contrary
, youngsters become gracious, noble and honest when they grow up in a close-knit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Moreover
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential to develop a peaceful subconscious mind for the future and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible from the relationship between father, mother and siblings.

In conclusion
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, college and university provide lessons on how to be a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
law abiding
individual for the community, it is the mother and father who teaches how to be a happy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person life which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build a peaceful society. It
is predicted
that in the future there will more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
ties and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will learn how to be a better person for it.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be a good members of the society. Others, however believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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