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Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some people think that having these people to give a talk to school students is the best way to tell them about dangers of committing a crime. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some people think that having these people to give a talk to school students is the best way to tell them about dangers of committing a crime. v. 2
Prison retribution has rapidly changed, due to that the lawlessness rate becomes less, and many criminal changes their lifestyle and helping in the community. However, others believe that the lawbreaker should devote the experienced of violation in the school, so students can be aware of doing the crime. I agree the statement of the former view, In this essay I will elaborate the first suffering can switch the mindset and the letter views prison retribution is developing the person's mindset of violation, and share the story of lawbreaking is how harmful for exercise. On the one hand, there are two reasons why people conceive that the corporal forfeiture should be at the highest priority on the agenda of the government because the offender may obey the laws and forget their criminal action. Moreover, we should give ex-offenders a chance of rehabilitation and teach them how to become useful members of society. Further and even more, Offended embark on their own career and even they assist with the police to reduce the case by sharing law breaking techniques. Also, a criminal makes a fresh living heart freely and even spent time with family or children. For instance, the online money hacking and cyber crime, mitigate, if the criminal give information regarding the connected criminal chain. . Lawbreaker can mitigate problems, if they release back to the society, they learn and give the importance of abiding rules. Since, the hackers working in their country, all the cyber crimes desolate. On the other hand, it is counter the claim that, school child becomes aware of a crime if the ex-prisoner guiding them and explain the full experience of ruin their career by doing offences. If the students know the offence commenting is damaging the movement and family member's soul about, so they do not think to law breakers. To exemplify, the illiterate students break the laws more than the educated students because they know regarding to the punishment. By way of conclusion, I conceive that, the prison can switch the offender into the best person and even they help to the police in reducing felony and guiding learners to do not doing criminal action because it's hazardous for their career.
Prison retribution has
rapidly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, due to that the lawlessness rate becomes less, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
their lifestyle and helping in the community.
However
, others believe that the lawbreaker should devote
The phrase 'the experienced of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the experienced of
violation in the school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be aware of doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the statement of the former view, In this essay I will elaborate the
first
suffering can switch the mindset and the letter views prison retribution is developing the person's mindset of violation, and share the story of lawbreaking is how harmful for exercise.

On the one hand, there are two reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
conceive that the corporal forfeiture should be at the highest priority on the agenda of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the offender may obey the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and forget their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
action.
Moreover
, we should give ex-offenders a chance of rehabilitation and teach them how to become useful members of society.
Further
and even more, Offended embark on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
career and even they assist with the police to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the case by sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
breaking techniques.
Also
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a fresh living heart
freely
and even spent time with family or children.
For instance
, the online money hacking and cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, mitigate, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
give information regarding the connected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
chain.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Lawbreaker can mitigate problems, if they release back to the society, they learn and give the importance of abiding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. Since, the hackers working in their country, all the cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
desolate.

On the other hand
, it is counter the claim that, school child becomes aware of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
if the ex-prisoner guiding them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the full experience of ruin their career by doing
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
know the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
commenting is damaging the movement and family member's soul about,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
breakers. To exemplify, the illiterate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
break the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
more than the educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
the punishment.

By way of conclusion, I conceive that, the prison can switch the offender into the best person and even they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the police in reducing felony and guiding learners to do not doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
action
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it's hazardous for their career.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some people think that having these people to give a talk to school students is the best way to tell them about dangers of committing a crime. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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