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Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extent would you say that television has positively or negatively affected the cultural development of your society? v.1

Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. v. 1
It has been many years since television was first introduced to people and people today still have mixed views on whether it has a positive or a negative influence on the society. Many people believe that television damages culture. It promotes the stronger cultures of countries such as Britain and North America and weakens the cultures of less wealthy countries. This is because the stronger, wealthier countries are able to assert their own culture by producing more programs that are shown widely around the world. These programs then influence people, particularly young people, in the countries where they are shown. Also, because television networks need to attract large audiences to secure their financial survival, they must produce programs which are interesting to a broad range of people. In many countries, this range is very broad because we are a multicultural society and people of all ages like to watch television. To interest all these different people, most television programs are short in length, full of action and excitement, do not require much intelligence or knowledge to understand, and follow universal themes common to all cultures, such as love and crime. Television programs which concentrate on or develop themes pertinent to one particular culture are not so successful because they interest a smaller audience. Nevertheless, we much acknowledge that television does have some positive effects on the cultures within a society as well. People who do not live within their own culture can, in a limited way, access it through the multicultural station on the television. For example, Aboriginal children who have grown up in white families, or migrants and international students living in a foreign country, can watch programs from their own culture on the television. In conclusion, I hold the view that television promotes and strengthens those cultures that are wealthy and influential while it weakens the cultures that are already in a weakened position.
It has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
was
first
introduced to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
still
have mixed views on whether it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on the society.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
damages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. It promotes the stronger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as Britain and North America and weakens the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
of less wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the stronger, wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are able to assert their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
by producing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
that
are shown
widely
around the world. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
then influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
particularly
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where they
are shown
.

Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
networks need to attract large audiences to secure their financial survival, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which are interesting to a broad range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, this range is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
broad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are a multicultural society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. To interest all these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
short in length
, full of action and excitement, do not require much intelligence or knowledge to understand, and follow universal themes common to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and crime.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which concentrate on or develop themes pertinent to one particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they interest a smaller audience.

Nevertheless
, we much acknowledge that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
does have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
within a society
as well
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
within their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
can,
Consider replacing "in a limited way" with the adverb for "limited"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a limited way
, access it through the multicultural station on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
For example
, Aboriginal children who have grown up in white families, or migrants and international students living in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
on the television.

In conclusion
, I hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
promotes and strengthens those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
that are wealthy and influential while it weakens the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
that are already in a weakened position.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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