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Some people believe that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars. v. 1
Some of the corporations have a unique dress code for their employees, which has to be worn always. While uniforms can be uncomfortable for their employees, I believe that they help in maintaining uniformity among the staff. The primary disadvantage of having the culture of the uniforms of the workforce is the difficulty to carry them at all times. That is to say that they often feel uncomfortable wearing the company's uniform for long hours, which can have a negative impact on their health and performance. For example, air hostesses have to wear high heels almost always which often leads to health related problems for them. They often complain about cramps in legs and backaches leading to a detrimental effect on their work. However, I believe that uniforms help in distinguishing employees and non- employees at the workplace. Uniforms instill the sense of uniformity among the staff of an organisation. Employees from different backgrounds are considered as a collective workforce regardless of being rich or poor. This results in improved performance and productivity of the staff because they will just concentrate on their work. For example, a recent survey of the factory workers in India about their best performance at factories indicated that they feel more comfortable working with others because of their similar uniforms. I believe that uniforms are beneficial in giving equal status to its employees. In conclusion, although the employees face the drawback of carrying their uniforms for a long time at the workplace, they have the benefits of equality and uniformity among themselves.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
corporations have a unique dress code for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be worn
always. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
can be uncomfortable for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, I believe that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in maintaining uniformity among the staff.

The primary disadvantage of having the culture of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
of the workforce is the difficulty to carry them at all times.
That is
to say that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel uncomfortable wearing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
for long hours, which can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their health and performance.
For example
, air hostesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wear high heels almost always which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to health related problems for them. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
complain about cramps in legs and backaches leading to a detrimental effect on their work.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in distinguishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and non-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
at the workplace.

Uniforms instill the sense of uniformity among the staff of an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employees
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds
are considered
as a collective workforce regardless of being rich or poor. This results in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
performance and productivity of the staff
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
concentrate on their work.
For example
, a recent survey of the factory workers in India about their best performance at factories indicated that they feel more comfortable working with others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
are beneficial in giving equal status to its employees.

In conclusion
, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
face the drawback of carrying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
for a long time at the workplace, they have the benefits of equality and uniformity among themselves.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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