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Because of the global economy. Many goods including what we use as daily basics produced by other countries have to be transported for a long distance. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Because of the global economy. Many goods including what we use as daily basics produced by other countries have to be transported for a long distance. v. 1
In this contemporary era, the world is changing by leaps and bounds. It is undeniable fact that many things what people use in their daily lives produced by other countries and transported for a long distance. So, some people believe that there are many disadvantages of this transportation, whereas the others argue that it has many advantages which are necessary for development of any country. I totally agree with the latter view, there are more pros outweigh cons. First and foremost, because of the globalization, the world become a global village. So, everything available at the every nook and corners around the world. Due to this, more choices available for laymen and they can experience diversity in any fields such as foods, clothes, entertainment and so on. For example, in my country India, many years ago, there were only few companies that produce TVs and owing to this, customers have lack of choices so, they forced to buy only those TVs whether the quality of TVs good or bad, but nowadays markets is flooded with foreign companies which provides best qualities of TVs, so customers can buy any TV what they like. In addition to the above, many people get employment in this sector because of this, they can earn their livelihood from this. Also, micro businesses have a chance to expand their businesses globally. Owing to this, they not only develop good relations with host nations, but also they increase the economy of own nation too, and because of co-operation the situation of armed conflicts is less likely. On the other hand, the major disadvantage of this transportation is pollution because this goods travel over a long distance and due to this, the exhaust fumes produced by the vehicles can damage the environment more. It's also responsible for gigantic problems like global warming and polar ice melting. Moreover, people preferred more imported products so, the local businesses are suffering more. If people cannot buy local products, then local businesses would be closed because of this, the cultural traditions and economy of any nation should be suffered more. To conclude, the government ought to enact some laws for transportation and imported goods, this situation could be mitigated effectively.
In this contemporary era, the world is changing by leaps and bounds. It is undeniable fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
produced by other countries and transported for a long distance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages of this transportation, whereas the others argue that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages which are necessary for development of any country. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view, there are more pros outweigh cons.

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the globalization, the world become a global village.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, everything available at the every nook and corners around the world. Due to this, more choices available for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
laymen and
they can experience diversity in any fields such as foods, clothes, entertainment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For example
, in my country India,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years ago, there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that produce TVs and owing to this, customers have lack of choices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they forced to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those TVs whether the quality of TVs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays markets
is flooded
with foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which
A determiner is probably missing here: "provides the best".
provides best
qualities of TVs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
customers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
any TV what they like.

In addition
to the above,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employment in this sector
because of this
, they can earn their livelihood from this.
Also
, micro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
have a chance to expand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
globally. Owing to this, they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relations with host nations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they increase the economy of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nation too, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of co-operation the situation of armed conflicts is less likely.

On the other hand
, the major disadvantage of this transportation is pollution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
travel over a long distance and due to this, the exhaust fumes produced by the vehicles can damage the environment more. It's
also
responsible for gigantic problems like global warming and polar ice melting.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preferred more imported products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are suffering more. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
local products, then local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
would
be closed
because of this
, the cultural traditions and economy of any nation should
be suffered
more.

To conclude
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ought to enact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
laws for transportation and imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, this situation could
be mitigated
effectively
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Because of the global economy. Many goods including what we use as daily basics produced by other countries have to be transported for a long distance. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
368 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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