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Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree? v.11

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. v. 11
In this modern world, individuals are utilising entertainment as a way of escaping from reality and Television is acting as a perfect platform for such people. This pattern has resulted in the majority of the people spending their high quantity leisure periods in front of TV sets and often turning into lethargic and isolated ones. In my opinion, TV has not entirely influenced the millennia negatively and it depends on the individuals to restrict themselves from over-exposure to entertainment. To begin with, many people are of the opinion that Television has a negative effect on society as larger sections are wasting their prominent time watching soap operas. Moreover, spending excessive time watching TV programs is making people obese. In addition to this, a recent report released by WHO has revealed that 70% of the teenagers in the developed nations are found to be overweight due to the inactivity caused by Television watching. On the other hand, there are certain programs that bring awareness and induce thought-provoking ideas in the minds of the viewers. For example, the episodes released by BBC channel on climatic changes have revolutionized the way people looked at the plastic waste and a significant number of viewers have changed their lifestyles to avoid plastic usage. To conclude, Television like any other technology carries both pros and cons with it and it is the responsibility of the individual to sensibly extract the positives out of TV watching without getting addicted. Rather than using the TV as the source of entertainment, people should focus on extracting positives out of it by using it as the source of information.
In this modern world, individuals are
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
entertainment as a way of escaping from reality and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
is acting as a perfect platform for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This pattern has resulted in the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spending their high quantity leisure periods in front of TV sets and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
turning into lethargic and isolated ones. In my opinion, TV has not
entirely
influenced the millennia
negatively
and it depends on the individuals to restrict themselves from over-exposure to entertainment.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on society as larger sections are wasting their prominent time watching soap operas.
Moreover
, spending excessive time watching TV programs is making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
obese.
In addition
to this, a recent report released by WHO has revealed that 70% of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in the developed nations
are found
to be overweight due to the inactivity caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
watching.

On the other hand
, there are certain programs that bring awareness and induce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
-provoking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in the minds of the viewers.
For example
, the episodes released by BBC channel on climatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have revolutionized the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
looked at the plastic waste and a significant number of viewers have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their lifestyles to avoid plastic usage.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
like any other technology carries both pros and cons with it and it is the responsibility of the individual to
sensibly
extract the positives out of TV watching without getting addicted.
Rather
than using the TV as the source of entertainment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should focus on extracting positives out of it by using it as the source of information.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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